By The Numbers...And The Other Numbers...

I asked my husband last week - when I was "having a day" - to look at photos taken of me from the last time I weighed what I do now and to tell me if I look the same. He said flatly, "No. Absolutely not." 

Incredulous - because numbers do not lie and my body dysmorphia is absolutely bananas - I insisted that I must look that way...because that's what I weigh!

But he insisted, "You do NOT look like that. Not at all. Your body, your face, none of it. You do NOT look like that."

I wanted to believe him - I really, really did. But...the guy loves me...so, he's as blind as I am. 

Right? 

Then I remembered I keep meticulous measurements and have been since 2009 - I measure myself with each weekly weigh in (arms, waist, hips, legs, bust, etc). With this information, I'd surely be able to prove him wrong...and proceed to wallow in self-pity for a while. 

But he was right! 

With the exception of my hips and calves that are only slightly larger, today's measurements align with a 30 pound lighter me from the last go-round. 

It's a lot different losing with a fitter body than with a flabby body. Glad I kept the records. It truly is about more than just pounds!!!!

I don't know how this stands to tamp down my body dysmorphia - at all - cause it's really more of a mindf**** than not...but at least it's a good one this time!  

Oh, and I am officially down 40 -- and a LOT more than that if you're counting back from the very beginning of this journey...but I'm not willing to share how much just yet. 

Ain't gettin' to 50 before vacation next Friday...but whatever. It'll be waiting to go when I return. 

108...Shopping For A Wedding Dress Without A Body

So, I'm getting married in July. Very excited about that. Only problem: I can't shop for a dress. Sure, I can window shop (online) and get ideas...but with so much weight left to lose and no real idea of how cooperative my body will be between now and July...I'm left with only one option: be patient.

HA! That's hilarious. Me? Patient?

But what choice do I have?

Of course, the fact that it's not a big wedding and is more of a cocktail party is a big help. I'm getting a dress, not a gown. That means I can head over to a department store or get one of J.Crew's absolutely gorgeous casual, beachy dresses.

By my best guesstimate, I'll probably lose at least another 50 pounds by then -- at least I aim to. That said, I might lose even more. The weight has really been coming off lately - due in great part to Medifast but also because of the more efficient and targeted workouts. With better fitness comes the ability to challenge myself more and to sculpt and tone. I'm really seeing the results of that work - both in the mirror and on the scale. Then there's the fact that my body and my weight aren't necessarily in sync. At the weight I am now, the last time I saw it (on the way up), I was two sizes bigger on top and one size bigger on the bottom. So, let's say I only lose 30 pounds between now and July - as unlikely as that is - I might be three sizes or even four sizes smaller just because of my muscle density and tone.

Yeesh!

So, here I am, doing my best to be patient.  I figure I won't be able to buy a dress any earlier than the first part of June...and even then, I plan to still be shrinking. So, hopefully my tatas will have stopped shriveling up by then and I can at least get away with an Empire Waist dress.