By The Numbers...And The Other Numbers...

I asked my husband last week - when I was "having a day" - to look at photos taken of me from the last time I weighed what I do now and to tell me if I look the same. He said flatly, "No. Absolutely not." 

Incredulous - because numbers do not lie and my body dysmorphia is absolutely bananas - I insisted that I must look that way...because that's what I weigh!

But he insisted, "You do NOT look like that. Not at all. Your body, your face, none of it. You do NOT look like that."

I wanted to believe him - I really, really did. But...the guy loves me...so, he's as blind as I am. 

Right? 

Then I remembered I keep meticulous measurements and have been since 2009 - I measure myself with each weekly weigh in (arms, waist, hips, legs, bust, etc). With this information, I'd surely be able to prove him wrong...and proceed to wallow in self-pity for a while. 

But he was right! 

With the exception of my hips and calves that are only slightly larger, today's measurements align with a 30 pound lighter me from the last go-round. 

It's a lot different losing with a fitter body than with a flabby body. Glad I kept the records. It truly is about more than just pounds!!!!

I don't know how this stands to tamp down my body dysmorphia - at all - cause it's really more of a mindf**** than not...but at least it's a good one this time!  

Oh, and I am officially down 40 -- and a LOT more than that if you're counting back from the very beginning of this journey...but I'm not willing to share how much just yet. 

Ain't gettin' to 50 before vacation next Friday...but whatever. It'll be waiting to go when I return. 

Under Again and Back In The Rotation

Welp, I made it. Under the first of a few mile markers I said I'd never get over again. Woohoo!

Down 36 this latest go-round and, with 3 weeks left til vacation, my goal of hitting 50 beforehand is looking less and less likely...but, because today is a "good day", I'm just happy to be losing at all...especially because the past few weeks have been inches but not pounds weeks, and those are effing maddening.

You know those songs you love so much that you play them over and over again until you hate them? Ya know, "Uprising" by Muse or "Peace Sells" by Megadeth? (Two of my on again/off again favorites.) Yeah, I have the same problem with workouts.

Today, I fell back in love with one that I'd put in the time-out chair for the better part of this past year. "Super Slimdown Pilates Yoga Blend" from Ellen Barrett and Crunch.  I've mentioned it before a couple of dozen posts ago...and I've also typed at length of my respect for how Ellen runs her routines. First off, she's very easy to deal with - no drill sargeant crazy, no whiny or scream-y voice - just simple, straightforward, personable, etc. I don't need to be shamed into working out a la Jillian Michaels - my Catholic upbringing has infused my inner voice with more than enough of that. I just need easy to follow instructions, counting, less chit chat and music that sort of fades into the background instead of wearing on my nerves.

The thing I like most about this workout - and it's why I considered it my "easy" routine for a few years - is that it's more about form and isometrics than it is about reps and losing your breath. Don't get me wrong, your heart rate gets plenty worked up, but this routine is really about toning, stretching and elongating muscles.

If you're feeling stiff or just like a block of stone when you get up in the morning - I strongly suggest trying this DVD out. It heats and stretches muscles you work in your regular cardio routines and builds fantastic core strength over time as well.

It's just the workout I needed after a week full of heavy biking and skiing. My muscles feel loose and happy again.

On to the next 10 pounds!

Sugary Sluggishness

Ehhhh...not the greatest week I've had, but most definitely not the worst. I'm just not feeling the losses (3.3 pounds, 2.5 inches) the way I normally do -- though, clearly, by the numbers, they're there. I used my bike and Nordic Track skier 5x and got an Ellen Barrett Grace & Gusto in there too.

Maybe it's the sleep deprivation courtesy of Daylight Savings.

Maybe it's the hangover/Saturday carby goodness that came before it.

Yeah, ^ that's most definitely the culprit.

After four straight weeks of being on plan and really sticking to my guns, I decided to drink a bottle of wine by myself on Friday night. Usually, not a big deal.

But, with few calories in my body and no tolerance left to speak of...

Yeah, kind of a big deal. Ugh. Headache and desperate need for spongey, doughy, ooey, gooey calories came next. What's really weird? I didn't WANT them, I just felt like I needed them. I don't know if that's ever happened to this carb-o-holic!

Fast forward to today, I'm still bloated and bleh. Down on the scale. Down with the measuring tape. Just plain down.

An odd combination, to be sure!

So, today it's 25 on the skier, 30-40 on the bike, lots of calisthenics, clean eating and an early bedtime. At least, that's the plan!

Hopefully tomorrow will have me feeling like myself again - and FEELING motivated instead of relying solely on the scant motivation living inside of my sugar-detoxing brain.

Up 14 & A Ring

So, as you've all likely assumed from the blog radio silence of late, I did, indeed, go through with the whole marriage thing. Just a little over a week in and I'm loving it.

And, wow - the honeymoon! We ate and drank our way through Excellence Playa Mujeres in Mexico! So much so that you'd think I hadn't eaten in months...oh, wait.

So, now I'm up 14 pounds. When we first got back on Saturday, I was up 20...so, 14 is a gift. It also tells me that it's more water (add in my monthly friend that was here to greet me when I got home) than it is actual weight gain. By my guesstimation, the lack of working out plus the alcohol and overeating probably gave me a real five pound setback. I mean, hell, our wedding feast alone was enough to feed all of the food insecure families in the entire Tri-State area (God, I feel gross for having said that...even worse for the fact that it's completely and totally true).

But...screw it. Every morsel was worth it and I'm already back on the wagon. Did 60 of heavy cardio today and am back to counting calories. No more rest for me, since A.) I clearly am never going to be "out of the woods" when it comes to my weight and B.) I do still have a good amount of weight left to lose. In fact, after seeing the wedding photos, as happy as I am for getting to where I am...I am also rethinking where I want to wind up/down. I think I can (and should) go even farther than I initially planned. Not sure yet - but I really think it's necessary and more importantly, realistic. We'll see.

For now though, I'm just going to revel in the 151 pounds of weight loss I achieved before the "big day" and how wonderful it felt to be able to look the way that I did. I felt like me and I looked like me. Better still, I married the love of my life. You can lose all of the weight in the world and look your best, but you can't fake the look and feel of happiness. Want proof? Here it is.

112 Down. Just 68 To Go

The plateau is definitely behind me. This whole strength training and cardio mix thing has something to it ... um, duh. So, why was I so resistant? I hate strength training more than I hate cardio! That being said, I like the shape my body is taking thanks to the targeted weight and resistance training...so, I'm learning to hate it less.

I've only got 68 pounds left to lose. Yeah, "only"...but when you consider how few that is compared to what I've already lost, it's totally do-able. 

And, thanks to hard work, dedication, medifast and a wedding and beach honeymoon looming over my head just 5 months from now, I've managed to lose more than 30 pounds in the past two and a half months. Basically, I'm losing about 3.333 pounds on average every week. Funny. That was both my high school and college GPA. 

It's a quick post because I have to work out now. Thankfully, it's just cardio today! Yeah, "just"...but I thought I should check in. 

300

Today, I finally said goodbye to a number that I only really started to come to terms with in the past few months. When this whole journey started last winter, I weighed in at an astonishing 365 pounds. 

No, really. 

In fact, I was under the mistaken impression that I weighed considerably less than that for a long time...at least for four to five months after my old scale read E (which is scale code for get the %$&* off of me you heifer!!). This was until I finally sprang for a pricier scale that was able to hold up to 400 pounds of fat-ass. God, I will never forget THAT day. That truth spiraled me into a few months-long depression - and rightly so. I was killing myself unconsciously - and waking up to a fact so terrifying and humiliating is really tough to do. 

Today is another day I'll never forget. I had actually expected to be up a pound or two this morning, but, as is true of the best gifts, this one was a total surprise.

Oh, how I cried! My boyfriend must REALLY think I'm nutzo now. Who celebrates 298 pounds? LOL!

I do, damn it. It has been SUCH a battle to get past 300. And, let me tell you, when you weigh over 300 pounds, every meal you eat also eats away at your soul. When I was at my heaviest and even when I was just on a plateau and worried I'd never see a 2 at the front of my weight ever EVER again, often whenever I'd eat anything, even something good and nourishing, I felt like I was just prolonging my time in purgatory. 

posted without Warner Bros' ok 

And, while I don't have Hottie McManmeat's chiseled abs just yet (not that I ever will), the fight within me has definitely been stoked and I am beyond ready to take the next 100 down! 

So long 300. Bring on the 2's!