Loving Life...Perhaps A Bit Too Much

So, these four weeks since getting hitched have been great. Wedded bliss and all that - check. No ticking time bomb...er, clock...making me crazy - check.

Only problem is - without the wedding and honeymoon hanging over my head, I've found (inevitably) that working out and eating right isn't as easy a priority to keep as it used to be.

For the most part, I've been a very good girl. I'm still counting calories. I'm still working out.

However, I'm not as motivated.

And, when I cheat - oh, how I cheat! Beer, junk food, monstrous portions. Still, with the exception of some Combos (the Buffalo Chicken flavor is out of this world!) and some Ben & Jerry's (Strawberry Shortcake Greek Yogurt - I split a pint with the hubs), the cheats I've been making have been on days where I've either worked out crazy hard and at least have a hole to pile them in - or - they're in social situations (parties, get-togethers). Social cheats don't freak me out as much because I'm not bringing them into the house and thereby potentially re-integrating them back into my daily lifestyle. They're more of a one-off. There's something about bringing junk into the house for me, however, that's very very dangerous. It's like having a random cigarette at a bar when you're tipsy and the opportunity presents itself versus actually going out, stone cold sober and buying a pack.

I have decided to cool my jets a bit on the working out so damn hard and so damn much. I think I owe it to myself and my psyche. I've also decided that I'm going to try and maintain for a while as opposed to trying to lose more. I just need a break! It's been since November of '09 and the last 7 months involved getting ready for a wedding! The last however-many-pounds will be waiting for me when I'm prepared to take them on.

The problem is, giving myself any sort of a break is a slippery slope. First, I decided that 5x a week working out is fine - so long as only two involve heavy cardio. Now, I'm flirting with the idea of 4 workouts, 2 of which would be heavy cardio. Of course, for every day I take off, that first day back at it is a psychological struggle. My body responds immediately, so I know my fitness isn't suffering -- but boy oh boy, my mind just screams for the couch!

So, how do I stay balanced on this tightrope? Is it crazy of me to think I can hold my hand over the flame like this? Is that really what I'm doing? Am I just being too hard on myself and is this my fear talking?

I've lost most of what I gained on the Honeymoon and am holding steady to boot. It's not like I've gained back 150+ pounds.

Still, I don't feel like I have the handle on things that I once did. So, I'll keep at it til I find a mix that works for me.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue enjoying life as a significantly skinnier woman! And, if that means having a few extra beers and maybe even a slice of pizza here and there, so friggin be it!

102 Days Til The Wedding...103 Til A Bathing Suit

I'm down 126 pounds now. Back into the 230's...for the first time since...2002? I'm also of the belief that I am now a 'reasonably overweight' person for my frame as opposed to a just plain obese lady.

Now, I'm still obese by definition, but having been every number between 365 on down and knowing what I know about my body, how I look and how others react to me now...I'm really just overweight at this point. I'll never be what's considered normal for my height - around 135. I haven't weighed that since I was in like 6th grade. Even when I was at my absolute skinniest I was in the 150s and couldn't sustain the weight without working out at least 60 minutes per day and eating less than 1000 calories. My body just isn't built the way the charts and graphs decree it needs to be.

Personally, I think that somewhere between 165-185 is going to be my sweet spot. I'll know it when I get there. For now, my goal is to hit 185 ... preferably before my wedding ... but that's 54 pounds and the wedding is 102 days away.

Lately, I've been resigning myself to the fact that this number is completely unrealistic. Actually, 'resigning' is the wrong word. I've accepted it. If I've learned nothing over the past 126 pounds, it's that my body is in control as opposed to my wild and often unreasonable expectations.

So, my new goal: to weigh less than 200 pounds by the wedding. I don't care if it's 199.9...just to sink below that silly, and frankly, meaningless number will mean so much to me. (Yes, I realize the absurdity of that last sentence, but it's the truth!)

My other goal: to look reasonably good in a bathing suit by then. We're going to an amazing all-inclusive north of Cancun for our honeymoon and there are pools and beaches everywhere! I can't wait to swim again. It hasn't been since college that I've worn a bathing suit. I'm not sure which would be more of an achievement for me - losing a person and a half's worth or weight or wearing a bathing suit with confidence.

When I said this to a friend the other day, she immediately asked, aren't you as concerned about looking good in your wedding dress? My immediate response, without even skipping a beat, was NO! No matter how form-fitting the dress winds up being, I'll A.) still be more covered up than I would be in a bathing suit, and B.) will have Spanx under there smoothing, pushing, smooshing and holding everything in place. I might not be able to breathe, but I'll look fan-freakin-tastic.

My midsection is just about bathing suit ready. My arms are almost there too. My ankles and calves don't have too far to go...nor do my inner thighs. However, my rear end and my upper legs in general are as flabby as can be. No matter how much I lose or how hard I work out, those areas may shrink, but it seems like they're just revealing newer, flabbier unsightlyness underneath. Ugh.

I know I'll get there ... especially now that I've pulled kettlebells into the workout rotation and have really ramped up the elliptical training too. Things are quickly tightening up ... but the question remains: will I be bathing suit ready by mid-July?

You bet I will be!