Under Again and Back In The Rotation

Welp, I made it. Under the first of a few mile markers I said I'd never get over again. Woohoo!

Down 36 this latest go-round and, with 3 weeks left til vacation, my goal of hitting 50 beforehand is looking less and less likely...but, because today is a "good day", I'm just happy to be losing at all...especially because the past few weeks have been inches but not pounds weeks, and those are effing maddening.

You know those songs you love so much that you play them over and over again until you hate them? Ya know, "Uprising" by Muse or "Peace Sells" by Megadeth? (Two of my on again/off again favorites.) Yeah, I have the same problem with workouts.

Today, I fell back in love with one that I'd put in the time-out chair for the better part of this past year. "Super Slimdown Pilates Yoga Blend" from Ellen Barrett and Crunch.  I've mentioned it before a couple of dozen posts ago...and I've also typed at length of my respect for how Ellen runs her routines. First off, she's very easy to deal with - no drill sargeant crazy, no whiny or scream-y voice - just simple, straightforward, personable, etc. I don't need to be shamed into working out a la Jillian Michaels - my Catholic upbringing has infused my inner voice with more than enough of that. I just need easy to follow instructions, counting, less chit chat and music that sort of fades into the background instead of wearing on my nerves.

The thing I like most about this workout - and it's why I considered it my "easy" routine for a few years - is that it's more about form and isometrics than it is about reps and losing your breath. Don't get me wrong, your heart rate gets plenty worked up, but this routine is really about toning, stretching and elongating muscles.

If you're feeling stiff or just like a block of stone when you get up in the morning - I strongly suggest trying this DVD out. It heats and stretches muscles you work in your regular cardio routines and builds fantastic core strength over time as well.

It's just the workout I needed after a week full of heavy biking and skiing. My muscles feel loose and happy again.

On to the next 10 pounds!

Suck It In!

So, I started doing the silliest thing last week (well, I thought it was silly at the time) and, um, it's totally working!

I have a to-do list on my work computer that's always displayed on the left hand side of my monitor. I wrote "suck it in" in big bold letters at the top of the list to serve as a visual reminder to sit up straight and pull in my abs.

Let's face it, not every day is going to involve ab toning exercises - either because of the "I don't wannas" or because there's no time.

Well, my posture has already improved and my waistline has already come in an inch! Sure, some of that can easily be attributed to weight loss and general exercise, but since most of my losses at the waist are about .5 inches per week...hmmmm.

I remember reading somewhere that for every ten seconds you "suck it in", you get the equivalent of 1 sit-up. It would appear there's something to this!

And, the more I am reminded to "suck it in" at work, I find I'm more compelled to do it while walking around the house and sitting in front of the tv. Being more conscious of my posture feels really good!

Oops! [I Did It Again]

So, yeah, it's been...a while...and a lot of pounds, up and down, ups and downs in general, yeah. So, yeeeeah.

The good news: I didn't gain it ALL back.

The honest news: I damn near did.

The better news: I've already lost 34 of it again.

I'm working out and eating clean and not beating myself up too much about it. Everyone has their fair share of issues - and I much prefer my brand to some of the others I've been exposed to of late.

Bought an exercise bike, too. I find it to be about as good an "I don't wanna" buster as it gets. I mean...you're working out while sitting on your ass in front of the tv, if you're really smart. What's that little lazy voice in the back of my head? Yeah, I didn't think so.

One thing I know that DOES work for me - a ticking clock. Losing for our wedding in '12 (and the photos) was about as big a motivator as it gets. This time around, I've set up a few more.

The first - and the reason for the 50 I hope to have gone by the time we leave - is a cross-country train, plan and automobile trip in mid-April. Amtrak's Cali Zephyr to San Fran, a few days in the Bay City and then off to Vegas for a Megadeth Motorhead one night only show. Can't. Friggin. Wait. Of course, being less gigundo-huge will make travel a heck of a lot easier - and meeting my husband's super cool cousins while out there and possibly meeting up with some in his family who last saw me skinnier is an even bigger mental nudge.

The next - another trip later in the year to Cancun - so, bathing suit...yipe!

The third - and most exciting - is that I'm going to be an aunt again! And, like the wedding, there will be lots of pictures of my holding my new "niecephew". I fully intend to look fabulous in them...even though I'll be the only one looking at ME in the damn shots. Why are all fatties (and former fatties) such narcissists? Jeez.

Now that I've confessed to being a dope and allowing myself to fall down the carbolicious rabbit-hole again...I feel better. Kinda. Well, at least I'm motivated!

So, it's 63 down. %$&* left to re-lose...and then we shall see what more I'm willing to do (if anything) beyond that.

Holding Steady ... ?

Well, the good news is, I haven't gained. I've been fairly good about my diet but not so much with the exercise this past month. Intermittent at best.

But I DID work out today - and that's a start. I've also been getting plenty of activity in with housework, since Spring has sprung and there is much to be done. So much.

Work is also going like gangbusters. Plenty of great new clients and steady work from long established ones. I'm so busy it's pretty remarkable.

Just need to hold myself accountable with the exercise. I can't lose weight or really hope to keep what I have lost off without out in the mix.

This coming week's goal is for four - that's it - four workouts. I think that's more than doable and it should shake up my psyche and metabolism just enough to push me ahead.

Seeing as I'll be in Paris in just 41 days...I had better lose a few pounds just to make room for the inevitable one's I'll be gaining in butter and fat! London right after that...bangers. mash. beer. Back to Paris for more rich decadence...and then back home (after days before/after in Montreal, where more fat and butter will be consumed). Then, the reality of my brother's wedding just a month later will set in - and I'll probably wind up on Medifast again as a penance.

Oh, the cycle. The endless cycle. That reminds me, I need to save for a cycle. Sigh.

Back In The Game

So, clearly the Medifast/wheat detox was in order. It's only been five days and already I'm down more than 10 pounds...and it's that time of the month...so, lord knows how much water I haven't let go of yet.

This is going to be a short stint on the 'ol Medifast. For starters, I don't need it long term. My weight loss goals aren't as monumental and the timeline isn't so abbreviated with a wedding looming overhead. Actually, there IS a wedding...my little brother's is a week after our 1-year anniv. in July...but I'm not the belle of THAT ball. Besides, I'll be back at my fighting weight by then for sure.

The other reason I don't want to be on Medifast for too long? Food. I like it. I like eating it, cooking it, figuring out what's on the menu for the week to come, etc. I have been eating healthier overall - well, HAD been - until I let the move be an excuse to fall into some bad old habits. That said, even then, I was still making homemade hummus, eating tons of veggie burgers and cooking with less oil, fat and sugar. It's just that when I cheated, it was spectacular. LOL! And, I was drinking too much beer and eating too many wheaty carbs. It all just added up to bloat, lethargy, etc.

My biggest problem is working out - I need to really get into a groove there. I am not going back to the 90 minute workouts per day. Sure, I felt awesome, looked awesome and it was satisfying as hell to accomplish...but looking out into the long-term horizon, I know it's unsustainable. I need to commit to 4-5 workouts per week. Some heavy. Some not so heavy. Just some kind of activity on work days and, on top of that, just getting out of the house on weekends. That along is activity enough.

All in all, I am feeling good, feeling in control and definitely back on the path. I am also counting down the days til this "fast" is over -- 2/23! We go to Hilton Head and relax, eat lots of non-fried seafood (best sushi ever!!!) and ride bikes on the beach. WOOHOO!

Aaaand, I Fell

Yeah, 111 isn't quite 150. But this sure as hell isn't a starting point. I'm still 111 pounds skinnier than I was at my worst and my clothes still fit  - well, mostly. So, I enjoyed the first few months of marital bliss a bit more than I should have. So friggin what?

I'm not so pissed about the diet piece of it - since I really wasn't that bad. I'm just annoyed at myself for falling out of the regular workout routine. I was going along so well there for so long. But, then, we went on our honeymoon and I relaxed...and forgot how great it was to just sit on your ass for days on end. And then - THEN - we up and buy a house. Yeah, that took precedence over anything and everything and while it did involve relentless activity, it wasn't in any way regimented, I fell out of my routine and once we were in the house, I had lost my drive altogether.

So, now that we're settled and my butt has settled too - ugh - it's time to get back on the damn wagon, create new great habits and new routines in this wonderful new home and just get moving already. It's going to be weird to establish new workout areas - to figure out where the best spots are for yoga and pilates, to decide whether I like the idea of the basement workout room or if it's really just an overpriced pipe dream and to just stick with it.

Today, I'm going to try my favorite Ellen Barrett routine in the living room. The sun is pouring in through the windows and I'm going to hit publish and finally get off of my ass and get my energy and my ass back!

Happy New Year!

I'm Slipping

It's been a month since I've blogged. Yeesh! It also feels like it's been a month since I've been in a real routine. Double yeesh!!

I am still eating pretty clean and healthy though - at least during the week - so that's something. Hell, even when we go out to our favorite 'cheat' spot on the weekends, I order a friggin veggie burger. I'm such a rebel.

What I'm not doing nearly enough of is working out - at least not in the traditional sense. I have been getting a lot of activity in though, since we just BOUGHT A FRIGGIN' HOUSE!

Packing is definitely a big energy spender - no doubt. However, judging by my steadily declining sleep patterns and my progressively more jiggly abs...it's not as great a workout as I need it to be.

Bleh. There is just something about this transitional time of year that always F's with me too. Less sun and heat leads to this natural inclination towards lethargy. Add to that the stress that goes hand in hand with buying a first house, and it's a miracle I haven't gained metric tons of weight back.

That's one great thing in all of this - I am NOT gaining. That said, I am obviously losing muscle tone and that's inevitably turning right back into fat. So...I have to get back into a routine.

The plan is to work out three days this week and ramp it up to four next week. If I can manage four per week into the foreseeable future with all that's going on, I'm calling it a win. Honestly, I just want to maintain for a while anyway -- so this will probably be enough.

But I HAVE to get those workouts in...or else this is all going to shit! So, off to roll out the yoga mat I go.

Loving Life...Perhaps A Bit Too Much

So, these four weeks since getting hitched have been great. Wedded bliss and all that - check. No ticking time bomb...er, clock...making me crazy - check.

Only problem is - without the wedding and honeymoon hanging over my head, I've found (inevitably) that working out and eating right isn't as easy a priority to keep as it used to be.

For the most part, I've been a very good girl. I'm still counting calories. I'm still working out.

However, I'm not as motivated.

And, when I cheat - oh, how I cheat! Beer, junk food, monstrous portions. Still, with the exception of some Combos (the Buffalo Chicken flavor is out of this world!) and some Ben & Jerry's (Strawberry Shortcake Greek Yogurt - I split a pint with the hubs), the cheats I've been making have been on days where I've either worked out crazy hard and at least have a hole to pile them in - or - they're in social situations (parties, get-togethers). Social cheats don't freak me out as much because I'm not bringing them into the house and thereby potentially re-integrating them back into my daily lifestyle. They're more of a one-off. There's something about bringing junk into the house for me, however, that's very very dangerous. It's like having a random cigarette at a bar when you're tipsy and the opportunity presents itself versus actually going out, stone cold sober and buying a pack.

I have decided to cool my jets a bit on the working out so damn hard and so damn much. I think I owe it to myself and my psyche. I've also decided that I'm going to try and maintain for a while as opposed to trying to lose more. I just need a break! It's been since November of '09 and the last 7 months involved getting ready for a wedding! The last however-many-pounds will be waiting for me when I'm prepared to take them on.

The problem is, giving myself any sort of a break is a slippery slope. First, I decided that 5x a week working out is fine - so long as only two involve heavy cardio. Now, I'm flirting with the idea of 4 workouts, 2 of which would be heavy cardio. Of course, for every day I take off, that first day back at it is a psychological struggle. My body responds immediately, so I know my fitness isn't suffering -- but boy oh boy, my mind just screams for the couch!

So, how do I stay balanced on this tightrope? Is it crazy of me to think I can hold my hand over the flame like this? Is that really what I'm doing? Am I just being too hard on myself and is this my fear talking?

I've lost most of what I gained on the Honeymoon and am holding steady to boot. It's not like I've gained back 150+ pounds.

Still, I don't feel like I have the handle on things that I once did. So, I'll keep at it til I find a mix that works for me.

In the meantime, I'm going to continue enjoying life as a significantly skinnier woman! And, if that means having a few extra beers and maybe even a slice of pizza here and there, so friggin be it!

Taking The Training Wheels Off...Again

Last week, out of the blue, I decided I was done with Medifast.

It dawned on me that I had been on the plan for six months. SIX MONTHS! And, while it was an incredible -- and I mean incredible -- aid to my overall weight loss (I lost 69 pounds on the plan!)...I was starting to let it become a crutch and it was also beginning to undermine my intended path to wellness.

So, I'm taking the training wheels off of my diet again and going it alone -- for the rest of my life. Just 43 pounds to go! Sure, it'll take me a little longer to get there, but I know I'm doing what's right for me. 

When I started Medifast, I was just under 300 pounds and, while I was working out pretty regularly, I wasn't working out all that hard -- at least not in retrospect. Honestly, carrying that much weight, how could I have worked out that hard without blowing out my knees? Still, weigh as much as I did, it also didn't take nearly as much effort to burn a boatload of calories...since any effort required moving a hell of a lot more person to accomplish the feat.

When I've been fit in the past, I've always loved working out. Scratch that. Hated working out. Loved the feeling that came with it. That feeling always propelled me to work out an "extra five minutes" which occasionally turned into ten...and sometimes even became a second workout later in the day. 

Last week, that feeling came back to me...for the first time since 2001. The problem: I was on Medifast. 

See, on Medifast, you're quite literally fasting (hence the name). It's all very scientific and genius...you deprive your body of carbs/fuel in a very controlled and sneaky way and it's left to tap into the only source of energy it has available -- fat! The only downside is that it's quite a delicate balance, this trick you're playing on your body, and if you work out too much or too hard (they recommend 45 minutes tops/day), you could send your body reeling into starvation mode...and could harm yourself in the process, all without burning that wretched fat. Kind of defeats the purpose of working out, no?

Here's the crazy shit that was swirling around in my brain last week: "But...but...I want to work out. I want my muscles to be sleek and toned. I want that fat to burn off super fast, yes...but...I want to work out. I'm dying here on this couch. I need to..."

So, rather abruptly and kind of against the plan I had set out for myself leading up to the wedding...I quit Medifast cold turkey and went back to healthy eating...and I started working out longer and with a hell of a lot more effort. 

Now, here's the other reason M-fasters will think I'm insane: I quit without transitioning out of the plan. Medifast, and arguably rightly so, STRONGLY encourages clients to slowly transition out of the diet and into healthier eating. Here's why I skipped the transition: A.) I missed eating and cooking healthy foods; B.) I'd already been eating smaller, healthier meals before even going onto Medifast; something most Medifasters can't claim. Most Medifasters go right from their bad eating habits onto the plan. I had already lost 68 pounds completely on my own prior to starting the plan...so, I already have the tools I need to survive in the real eating world; C.) Medifast is f-ing expensive, y'all! 

Now it's off to work out! Here's my latest favorite: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Fusion-Ellen-Barrett/dp/B005OMN9E8

So Long, Front Butt!

First off, sorry it's been over a month since my last post. For some reason, I just haven't been compelled to write about weight loss all that much. I'm motivated, feeling good, seeing results (at least in the mirror - not that much on the scale) and I guess when I'm either not seeing huge milestones come and go or when I'm not feeling extremely angry and frustrated...I have precious little to say.

Still, today featured a nice little moment for me. You see, I'm one of the bazillion fat chicks in American suffering from front butt. If you don't know what front butt is, you probably don't have one. According to the Urban Dictionary, front butt is defined as:

"(noun) An enormous, fatty enlargment of the abdomen, genital, and thigh region that morphs together to create the appearance of a bulbous ass on a persons front."

And that's the cleanest definition I could find.

Well, I'm happy to report that after 1,276,836 situps, crunches, ab twists and who the hell knows what else, my front butt is less Kardashian and more Li-Lo. It's not gone yet, but thanks to rigorous pilates style ab workouts, it's well on its way.

By the way, speaking of ab workouts - if you're a Time Warner Cable subscriber (and, this is about the only perk of the service), check out their free workouts on demand. Just go to sports on demand and select fitness...and there they are. My current self-abuse of choice is the Pilates Abs workout. 10 minutes of pure hell...but totally worth it! Here's a link to a preview - don't pay for them here - get them for free from your cable box!

http://www.exercisetv.tv/store/p-1646-pilates-abs.aspx

When Do You Work Out?

For the past few days, I've been working out in the morning. Before that, I'd been working out in the mid-afternoon. Back in high school and college, I'd work out in the evenings...but, at least in college, I think that worked best because I needed the day to sleep off the hangover and saw the workouts as a way to make room for more beer.

I have to say that of the three day-parts, morning workouts seem to suit me best. To be fair, I think the reason that working out in the mornings is easier for me than just about everyone else on the planet is because I don't have kids and I'm self-employed. I don't get up before work. I just get up at the same time as I always have, exercise and show up for work afterwards.

Still, I see the point of working out in the am. It clears your head of cobwebs. You have less time to talk yourself out of it or, to do what I do, guilt yourself into it. Neither are fun and boy do they create a cloud that looms over your day.

Working out in the morning kind of breathes a whole air of productivity and accomplishment into your day. Instead of starting with a blank slate, you start with a check in the "win" column.

Regardless of the timing though, I find that consistency is key. It needs to be the same time of day, every day. Like so many of the bad habits I've worked so hard to break, this good habit has to be reinforced in order to stick.

I guess I've replaced my morning cigarette with a balanced breakfast and an hour of cardio.  Geez. Does that make me a grownup or what?

Not Trying To Jinx Myself Here But...

Second workout this week! Not much of an accomplishment, really...but I find that writing it down and plastering it on the web really lifts my spirits. God, I am such a narcissist!

I've also managed to keep this Vegan thing going. I'm not even finding it that difficult. I have noticed some wacky mood swings lately though. It's not PMS, since the timing isn't right. Nothing else has changed in my life or my habits really. The only thing I can figure out is that I'm detoxing like a mo-fo.

Anyone else ever experience this after going veggie?

Stay tuned.

Confessions Of A Lethargic Mind

So...

I haven't worked out in a while. Like a WHILE a while. And it's not from lack of opportunity either. First off, I work at home and can work out pretty much whenever I want because I make my own hours. Second, I have a Wii Fit, a Nordic Track, an exercise bike and an exercise ball with a resistance band. Oh, and the apartment community where we live even has a fully stocked gym that we can access for free!

Unfortunately, if I'm being truly honest, I haven't worked out like I really meant it in months. Sure, I got on the bike and did a little pedaling a few times. I lifted some weights. I did a few sit-ups. But, the regular, daily exercise...hell, I don't think I've really committed to it since before our LAST vacation in late September.

I've been eating well for the most part though. I've been making meals and snacks, eating lots of veggies and fruit and haven't been mindlessly munching away the days like I used to. That's precisely why my weight loss situation is more stagnant than a complete reversal.

Still, without the regular workouts, the weight has been steadily creeping back on.

So, why am I still sitting here? Why am I not working out? It is completely mad! I want to feel better. I want to look better. I'm already sacrificing on my diet (though, I'm so used to it now that it rarely feels like sacrifice unless I have a raging case of PMS). Why in the hell can't I manage 30-45 measly minutes of cardio a day plus a little resistance work here and there?

I know I'm not the only one who's legs turn to lead at the mere thought of exercise! What gets you going when you're stuck in a serious rut? I know that once I've done it for a few days straight that I'll be able to sustain it - at least for a while - but how do I just get UP?!?!?

I feel insane having written this. Completely out of my gourd. But, it's the truth and it's what I'm grappling with. Would love to hear others' perspectives.

Thanks for bearing witness to my wackadooyness!

'The Wagon' Isn't A Trolley...

...so why do I feel I can just keep hopping on and off?

Alas, this is yet another in what I suspect will be a long line of intermittent re-dedication blog posts. Having fallen off of the weight loss wagon yet again to go on a much needed vacation, I'm back to feeling like a jackass for all of the delectable desserts and decadent dinners I inhaled whilst in Hilton Head last week. Honestly though, I wasn't really too bad on the island--it was the road food from the likes of McDonalds, 7-11 and Ruby Tuesdays on the 4 driving days to and from that really did me in. I fell back in love with Combos too. Good God, those things are amazing.



Fortunately, the scale doesn't tell as disastrous a tale as the recesses of my mind have lead my self-esteem to believe. Chew on that sentence for a bit.

Even though I haven't gained nearly as much weight as I feel like I have (or should have), I still feel like an obese orca. I wonder if there is such a thing. And, if I'm being completely honest with myself, even with the starting of this blog and the mantras and affirmations and exercise, I haven't really truly re-dedicated myself to weight loss. If I had, I'd be seeing results instead of stagnation. I'd be feeling more sure of myself and more motivated. I'd be down a pants size (at least) by now.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the changes I have to make (again), the work I have to do (again) and the sacrifices that are necessary to be healthy (have I ever really been healthy?).

With the best and most relaxing vacation of my life now behind me, it's time to get back to reality and back on the shrinking train. Maybe I should stop looking at the scenery and move up to the conductor's car.

Maybe I should find another metaphor. This one is really wearing on me. Suggestions?

Day Two Of The Rest (Of My Life?)

Today, I cycled to the estrogen indulgent brain candy that is General Hospital. After 36 minutes with the tension cranked up, I was done. 6 minutes better than yesterday and 9 minutes from next week's goal. Yippy skippy. Then, I did free weights (arms) for about five more minutes. Stretched a little before and after. Really getting back into the swing! Tomorrow, I'll do abs...heaven help me.

Since the workout wasn't all that interesting, let's talk about the silly little daytime drama. Can I just say, Carly had better check herself! If memory serves, she was quite the skank when she first landed in Port Charles. Her son might be dating a stripper, but at least said stripper isn't trying to boink her step-dad. I'm just sayin. Besides, the stripper is studying to be a paralegal. She's going places!

Anyway, here's to tomorrow! ...and hoping I'm not in this oh-so-familiar headspace:

The DVR Makes Biking Suck Less

Managed to use my exercise bike for just over 30 minutes today before my muscles were angry. Simultaneously caught the first installment of the new season of V. The workout was definitely better than the ep.

While my thighs were a bit worse for wear, I am happy to report that my lungs didn't mind at all - that's a nice change! This past year has been tough on the whole breathing while working out front - some good days, some bad - all reminders that quitting smoking is only the first step in being a true non-smoker. Whhhheeeeeezzzzz!

Anyhoo, today's was not as stellar a workout as I'd like, but for the first day back in a while, not a failure either. By this time next week, I intend to manage 45 minutes on the cycle in a sitting. Heck, I might make it there tomorrow. Still, there's only so much time you can spend cycling in place. Will have to add more back into the regimen. Bit by bit.