300

Today, I finally said goodbye to a number that I only really started to come to terms with in the past few months. When this whole journey started last winter, I weighed in at an astonishing 365 pounds. 

No, really. 

In fact, I was under the mistaken impression that I weighed considerably less than that for a long time...at least for four to five months after my old scale read E (which is scale code for get the %$&* off of me you heifer!!). This was until I finally sprang for a pricier scale that was able to hold up to 400 pounds of fat-ass. God, I will never forget THAT day. That truth spiraled me into a few months-long depression - and rightly so. I was killing myself unconsciously - and waking up to a fact so terrifying and humiliating is really tough to do. 

Today is another day I'll never forget. I had actually expected to be up a pound or two this morning, but, as is true of the best gifts, this one was a total surprise.

Oh, how I cried! My boyfriend must REALLY think I'm nutzo now. Who celebrates 298 pounds? LOL!

I do, damn it. It has been SUCH a battle to get past 300. And, let me tell you, when you weigh over 300 pounds, every meal you eat also eats away at your soul. When I was at my heaviest and even when I was just on a plateau and worried I'd never see a 2 at the front of my weight ever EVER again, often whenever I'd eat anything, even something good and nourishing, I felt like I was just prolonging my time in purgatory. 

posted without Warner Bros' ok 

And, while I don't have Hottie McManmeat's chiseled abs just yet (not that I ever will), the fight within me has definitely been stoked and I am beyond ready to take the next 100 down! 

So long 300. Bring on the 2's!

Better Living Through Chemistry? Not So Much.

I'm a big fan of life-saving chemical/medical compounds. BIG FAN. Chemo and Nitroglycerin saved my dad's life. Albuterol has certainly helped my mom.  I can't even begin to think of what life would be like without bacteria-blasting bleach. So, yeah, I'm not going after the chemical industry completely...however...

Last summer, I was on year 4 or 5 of taking Zyrtec for my year-round allergies - from dust and mold to tree and grass pollen, I'm definitely a allergen sensitive type. Then, I started reading about how it suppresses your metabolism over time and can do a number on your liver. So, I stopped taking it.

About a week later, I broke out in hives and experienced the worst itching on my legs and feet that I have ever, EVER experienced! I took a few Claritins here and there to try and quell the reaction as I weaned my body off of the stuff and I vowed to never take that shit again.

Then, this spring happened - probably the worst allergy season I can remember. I had to take SOMETHING. So, I went to the Claritin because it was the only thing that worked for me that was affordable in a low (10mg) dose. I've been on the stuff since March - until yesterday.

I had long suspected that my thyroid was suppressed somehow - but, since a slightly underperforming thyroid is something that's pretty common in my family, especially on my mother's side - I wasn't all that alarmed. I just have to eat less and work out more than someone else my size in order to see results. Whatever. Everyone has their burden to bear.

Still, I have been eating so clean and working out so hard over these past few months - it all just made me uber suspicious that there was more to this than just a mere genetic abnormality. So, I did a bit more digging on the subject - beyond the literature that comes with my Claritin/Loratadine...

Shock. Awe. Not so much. Guess what long-term use of this OTC med does to you? (Long-term use that's strongly encouraged, I might add...) It has the potential to suppress and slowly deplete your friggin thyroid. Well, that's the supposition in the blogosphere, anyway...and, considering that some of the literature actually cautions you not to use it if you have thyroid disorders (mine is too low to be diagnosed as yet - at least it WAS)...it's not exactly surprising that so many are reporting thyroid issues after long-term use.

Now, there's no proof to this - not from the makers of Claritin or the patent-holders at Schering-Plough...at least none that's been released...but I'm not taking any more chances. My thyroid is already at a disadvantage -- so, I don't need to tempt fate any further. Plus, with all of the undeclared chemicals and additives they put in this crap, who knows what else it's doing to my body.

So, now I switch to an as-needed approach to drug-taking. Going to try and supplement with the Neti-pot for a while and see how that goes...it's all a bit scary, since I can have severe hay fever...but, I'm going to try it.

I can't even put into words the frustration I feel...and the cynicism that's steadily creeping in with each and every new revelation I'm having about just how unhealthy it is to live the life of an average American.

Like I said at the top, I'm a big fan of chemistry. It can and does save lives each and every day. On the other hand, is it too much to ask to be allowed to make an informed decision about the chemicals I willingly put into my body?  With the exception of potentially life-saving meds for cancer, AIDS, etc, could the long-term use drugs for relatively benign disorders (ie: allergies) undergo longer clinical trials and can those results be easier to find and understand?

Not to stick my political neck out too far here, but where's the damn government keeping an eye on the capitalists? I can't fault a pharma company on wanting to get their drugs approved and on the market, but if it's too easy and there's no accountability once a drug is FDA approved, aren't we allowing the industry and government to play Russian roulette with our health?

Ugh. I could go on...but I'm exhausted by the anger. Getting down off of the soap-box now. I have to go waterboard myself with a Neti Pot anyway...

Beat The Meat

Meat is mean to me. It needs to be beaten out of me every time I eat it...and I'm not even talking about red meat. I'm still abstaining from that garbage and have been since February. I'm talking about turkey and chicken.

I made a batch of my a-a-a-a-a-a-amazeballs turkey burgers on Sunday, and, since my boyfriend has been away for dinner the past few nights, I've actually eaten most of them myself as leftovers. Besides that, there's absolutely no explaining why I felt headachy, tired, miserable, emotional and lethargic, bloated and constipated this morning.

I've been working out like a champ - a mix of pilates and cardio. I've been eating lots of fruits and veggies and no dairy, HFCS, etc - as I have been for months now. I even slept in an hour today. I've been doing everything same as usual - except for the three straight days of meat as opposed to 6 days veg, 1 day sushi or lean turkey/chicken schedule. And, boy, how that effed up my insides!!

Fortunately, a second cup of coffee *ahem* moved things along and I feel much better now, but I'm certainly not at 100%.

It's kind of remarkable to think that this is how I used to live each and every day - and how it was so routine that I accepted it as a WAY TO LIVE.

I'll never go back. I may have the occasional meaty meal, but every time I do, I'll be doing it knowing full well that there will be consequences.

I've definitely beaten my meat addiction -- and the idea that there should be a lean animal protein in at least one meal a day! Take that National Cattleman's Beef Association. SUE ME! (Seriously, go ahead...it's not like I have any assets to speak of anyway!)