Sugary Sluggishness

Ehhhh...not the greatest week I've had, but most definitely not the worst. I'm just not feeling the losses (3.3 pounds, 2.5 inches) the way I normally do -- though, clearly, by the numbers, they're there. I used my bike and Nordic Track skier 5x and got an Ellen Barrett Grace & Gusto in there too.

Maybe it's the sleep deprivation courtesy of Daylight Savings.

Maybe it's the hangover/Saturday carby goodness that came before it.

Yeah, ^ that's most definitely the culprit.

After four straight weeks of being on plan and really sticking to my guns, I decided to drink a bottle of wine by myself on Friday night. Usually, not a big deal.

But, with few calories in my body and no tolerance left to speak of...

Yeah, kind of a big deal. Ugh. Headache and desperate need for spongey, doughy, ooey, gooey calories came next. What's really weird? I didn't WANT them, I just felt like I needed them. I don't know if that's ever happened to this carb-o-holic!

Fast forward to today, I'm still bloated and bleh. Down on the scale. Down with the measuring tape. Just plain down.

An odd combination, to be sure!

So, today it's 25 on the skier, 30-40 on the bike, lots of calisthenics, clean eating and an early bedtime. At least, that's the plan!

Hopefully tomorrow will have me feeling like myself again - and FEELING motivated instead of relying solely on the scant motivation living inside of my sugar-detoxing brain.

Oops! [I Did It Again]

So, yeah, it's been...a while...and a lot of pounds, up and down, ups and downs in general, yeah. So, yeeeeah.

The good news: I didn't gain it ALL back.

The honest news: I damn near did.

The better news: I've already lost 34 of it again.

I'm working out and eating clean and not beating myself up too much about it. Everyone has their fair share of issues - and I much prefer my brand to some of the others I've been exposed to of late.

Bought an exercise bike, too. I find it to be about as good an "I don't wanna" buster as it gets. I mean...you're working out while sitting on your ass in front of the tv, if you're really smart. What's that little lazy voice in the back of my head? Yeah, I didn't think so.

One thing I know that DOES work for me - a ticking clock. Losing for our wedding in '12 (and the photos) was about as big a motivator as it gets. This time around, I've set up a few more.

The first - and the reason for the 50 I hope to have gone by the time we leave - is a cross-country train, plan and automobile trip in mid-April. Amtrak's Cali Zephyr to San Fran, a few days in the Bay City and then off to Vegas for a Megadeth Motorhead one night only show. Can't. Friggin. Wait. Of course, being less gigundo-huge will make travel a heck of a lot easier - and meeting my husband's super cool cousins while out there and possibly meeting up with some in his family who last saw me skinnier is an even bigger mental nudge.

The next - another trip later in the year to Cancun - so, bathing suit...yipe!

The third - and most exciting - is that I'm going to be an aunt again! And, like the wedding, there will be lots of pictures of my holding my new "niecephew". I fully intend to look fabulous in them...even though I'll be the only one looking at ME in the damn shots. Why are all fatties (and former fatties) such narcissists? Jeez.

Now that I've confessed to being a dope and allowing myself to fall down the carbolicious rabbit-hole again...I feel better. Kinda. Well, at least I'm motivated!

So, it's 63 down. %$&* left to re-lose...and then we shall see what more I'm willing to do (if anything) beyond that.

Holding Steady ... ?

Well, the good news is, I haven't gained. I've been fairly good about my diet but not so much with the exercise this past month. Intermittent at best.

But I DID work out today - and that's a start. I've also been getting plenty of activity in with housework, since Spring has sprung and there is much to be done. So much.

Work is also going like gangbusters. Plenty of great new clients and steady work from long established ones. I'm so busy it's pretty remarkable.

Just need to hold myself accountable with the exercise. I can't lose weight or really hope to keep what I have lost off without out in the mix.

This coming week's goal is for four - that's it - four workouts. I think that's more than doable and it should shake up my psyche and metabolism just enough to push me ahead.

Seeing as I'll be in Paris in just 41 days...I had better lose a few pounds just to make room for the inevitable one's I'll be gaining in butter and fat! London right after that...bangers. mash. beer. Back to Paris for more rich decadence...and then back home (after days before/after in Montreal, where more fat and butter will be consumed). Then, the reality of my brother's wedding just a month later will set in - and I'll probably wind up on Medifast again as a penance.

Oh, the cycle. The endless cycle. That reminds me, I need to save for a cycle. Sigh.

Back In The Game

So, clearly the Medifast/wheat detox was in order. It's only been five days and already I'm down more than 10 pounds...and it's that time of the month...so, lord knows how much water I haven't let go of yet.

This is going to be a short stint on the 'ol Medifast. For starters, I don't need it long term. My weight loss goals aren't as monumental and the timeline isn't so abbreviated with a wedding looming overhead. Actually, there IS a wedding...my little brother's is a week after our 1-year anniv. in July...but I'm not the belle of THAT ball. Besides, I'll be back at my fighting weight by then for sure.

The other reason I don't want to be on Medifast for too long? Food. I like it. I like eating it, cooking it, figuring out what's on the menu for the week to come, etc. I have been eating healthier overall - well, HAD been - until I let the move be an excuse to fall into some bad old habits. That said, even then, I was still making homemade hummus, eating tons of veggie burgers and cooking with less oil, fat and sugar. It's just that when I cheated, it was spectacular. LOL! And, I was drinking too much beer and eating too many wheaty carbs. It all just added up to bloat, lethargy, etc.

My biggest problem is working out - I need to really get into a groove there. I am not going back to the 90 minute workouts per day. Sure, I felt awesome, looked awesome and it was satisfying as hell to accomplish...but looking out into the long-term horizon, I know it's unsustainable. I need to commit to 4-5 workouts per week. Some heavy. Some not so heavy. Just some kind of activity on work days and, on top of that, just getting out of the house on weekends. That along is activity enough.

All in all, I am feeling good, feeling in control and definitely back on the path. I am also counting down the days til this "fast" is over -- 2/23! We go to Hilton Head and relax, eat lots of non-fried seafood (best sushi ever!!!) and ride bikes on the beach. WOOHOO!

Aaaand, I Fell

Yeah, 111 isn't quite 150. But this sure as hell isn't a starting point. I'm still 111 pounds skinnier than I was at my worst and my clothes still fit  - well, mostly. So, I enjoyed the first few months of marital bliss a bit more than I should have. So friggin what?

I'm not so pissed about the diet piece of it - since I really wasn't that bad. I'm just annoyed at myself for falling out of the regular workout routine. I was going along so well there for so long. But, then, we went on our honeymoon and I relaxed...and forgot how great it was to just sit on your ass for days on end. And then - THEN - we up and buy a house. Yeah, that took precedence over anything and everything and while it did involve relentless activity, it wasn't in any way regimented, I fell out of my routine and once we were in the house, I had lost my drive altogether.

So, now that we're settled and my butt has settled too - ugh - it's time to get back on the damn wagon, create new great habits and new routines in this wonderful new home and just get moving already. It's going to be weird to establish new workout areas - to figure out where the best spots are for yoga and pilates, to decide whether I like the idea of the basement workout room or if it's really just an overpriced pipe dream and to just stick with it.

Today, I'm going to try my favorite Ellen Barrett routine in the living room. The sun is pouring in through the windows and I'm going to hit publish and finally get off of my ass and get my energy and my ass back!

Happy New Year!

I'm Slipping

It's been a month since I've blogged. Yeesh! It also feels like it's been a month since I've been in a real routine. Double yeesh!!

I am still eating pretty clean and healthy though - at least during the week - so that's something. Hell, even when we go out to our favorite 'cheat' spot on the weekends, I order a friggin veggie burger. I'm such a rebel.

What I'm not doing nearly enough of is working out - at least not in the traditional sense. I have been getting a lot of activity in though, since we just BOUGHT A FRIGGIN' HOUSE!

Packing is definitely a big energy spender - no doubt. However, judging by my steadily declining sleep patterns and my progressively more jiggly abs...it's not as great a workout as I need it to be.

Bleh. There is just something about this transitional time of year that always F's with me too. Less sun and heat leads to this natural inclination towards lethargy. Add to that the stress that goes hand in hand with buying a first house, and it's a miracle I haven't gained metric tons of weight back.

That's one great thing in all of this - I am NOT gaining. That said, I am obviously losing muscle tone and that's inevitably turning right back into fat. So...I have to get back into a routine.

The plan is to work out three days this week and ramp it up to four next week. If I can manage four per week into the foreseeable future with all that's going on, I'm calling it a win. Honestly, I just want to maintain for a while anyway -- so this will probably be enough.

But I HAVE to get those workouts in...or else this is all going to shit! So, off to roll out the yoga mat I go.

Eating & Losing Weight - Can I Really Have It All?

Last month, I got lucky. Really, really lucky.

Courtesy of a contest through Relish Magazine, I won just about everything my kitchen was missing: a microplane zester, a new bakeware set, a new ginormous crock pot, a Le Creuset French Oven and...a KITCHENAID STAND MIXER!

(I bet you thought I was going to post about getting lucky...ha! Well, I did, but that's not the point...get your minds out of the gutter, will ya!)

Back to my fully stocked kitchen--

If you have a mixer and enjoy cooking, you will completely understand the rest of this post. If not, well, I kind of feel sorry for you. This mixer has filled a void in my life I never knew existed. It's also stirred up a little panic: now that I'm back on the whole eating to live and not living to eat bandwagon, am I only going to make granola and bran muffins with this glorious machine? Am I never going to be able to experience the joys of the many attachments like the pasta maker or the ice cream maker?

Hell no!

If I am ever going to succeed PERMANENTLY in weight loss and healthy living, I need to figure out a way to embrace my omnivorous constitution. (Can you tell I'm reading Michael Pollen's books right now?) Seriously though...I have tried to deprive myself of sweets, fats, carbs and whatever else has been temporarily relegated to "it'll make you fat and kill you" status by the brilliant diet industry scientists; scientists who know surprisingly little about the complexity of food, nutrition and the constant craving that comes from cutting any of it out of your life completely.

Depriving myself (at least drastically) has never worked long-term - not for me. It's always resulted in me giving up out of frustration and the fear that I will have to shun some of my favorite flavors and textures for the rest of my life in order to be thin. On top of that, I think it propagates the notion that to be overweight is something for which you must be punished. As if looking into the mirror wasn't punishment enough. Society needs to get the hell over it already.

I'm no dummy. I know that veggies are better for me than poundcake. I know that I have to eat more complex carbs than empty calories. It's not even about sweets and fats versus veggies and lean proteins. I can eat a tomato like an apple and enjoy the hell out of raw spinach too. My problem is the compulsion to eat mass quantities of whatever is most pleasing to my palate at the moment of opportunity - that moment of weakness when I'm feeling down and sad or happy and celebratory. I need to learn to recognize why I'm eating, not just what.

The first step: I made a batch of oatmeal banana cookies on Sunday. I ate six over the course of 36 hours and shared the rest with my boyfriend. I enjoyed the cookies. I enjoyed baking them. I tamped down the compulsion to eat more than I should have and survived.  I figured out that I was bored and not hungry at some points when I felt the pull towards the cookie jar. I then got up and found something to do that didn't involve eating. This was easy because I wasn't in an extreme state of mental duress...and it's just the sort of training I need for when that feeling comes calling once again.

I've heard of food addictions being compared to alcoholism and drug addictions. I've had heated arguments about why I think this is an oversimplified assessment. You don't need alcohol or heroin to survive. You need food. Maybe not Snickers bars...but an occasional oatmeal cookie to satisfy a sugar craving? There's plenty else in that cookie that will nourish your body. I need to learn to marry nutrition with the joy of cooking, the joy of eating and the guilt that comes from eating anything at all.  I can compromise, sure - but all or nothing? F*** that!

Instead of bargaining with myself, depriving myself and dancing around the issues at the root of my over-indulgence and self-mutilation (after all, that's what allowing yourself to become obese is!), I need to learn to peacefully co-exist with food...and with my mixer.

My beautiful and glorious mixer.