I asked my husband last week - when I was "having
a day" - to look at photos taken of me from the last time I weighed what I
do now and to tell me if I look the same. He said flatly, "No. Absolutely
not."
Incredulous - because numbers do not lie and my body dysmorphia is absolutely bananas - I insisted that I must look that way...because that's what I weigh!
But he insisted, "You do NOT look like that. Not at all. Your body, your face, none of it. You do NOT look like that."
I wanted to believe him - I really, really did. But...the guy loves me...so, he's as blind as I am.
Right?
Then I remembered I keep meticulous measurements and have been since 2009
- I measure myself with each weekly weigh in (arms, waist, hips, legs,
bust, etc). With this information, I'd surely be able to prove him
wrong...and proceed to wallow in self-pity for a while.
But he was right!
With the exception of my hips and calves that are only slightly larger, today's measurements align with a 30 pound lighter me from the last go-round.
It's a lot different losing with a fitter body than with a flabby body. Glad I kept the records. It truly is about more than just pounds!!!!
I don't know how this stands to tamp down my body dysmorphia - at all - cause it's really more of a mindf**** than not...but at least it's a good one this time!
Oh, and I am officially down 40 -- and a LOT more than that if you're counting back from the very beginning of this journey...but I'm not willing to share how much just yet.
Ain't gettin' to 50 before vacation next Friday...but whatever. It'll be waiting to go when I return.
