What Goes Up Must Come Down

Over the past 2 weeks, I have experienced consistent shrinkage (*smirk*). Every morning I wake up, look in the mirror and go, "huh. sweet! that's starting to look like a normal [enter name of fat-covered body part here]." I've also kept up with my diet - my only cheat being some non-fat fro-yo with some oh-so-fattening peanut butter cups on top at our new "16 Handles" down the street (YUM!). I've been working out consistently and with a lot of variety - bike, Nordic Track, Salsa dancing (poorly). Hell, I've even been doing sit-ups - my arch activity nemesis - courtesy of this Tummy Toning workout on Netflix, which, by the way, is evil but strangely fun.

So, imagine my horror as I get on the scale each morning to see I'm gaining weight - and not just a little bit of normal fluctuation - SIX AND A HALF POUNDS! Granted, today I'm back down 2 of those...but seriously.

I know it's all muscle. Muscle is more dense than fat. I put on muscle like a roid-raging bowflex-humping gym rat. I know that eventually things will turn and go in the opposite direction.

I know all of this.

Still, it's just evil how my mind has been conditioned to be so darn fixated on the numbers. I'm like a dog that did a trick and is now begging for a cookie. I need to get over it already and focus on the mirror. I need to just get over it already.

Honestly, after weeks of very similar posts - I think I am starting to get past the scale. I know what I'm doing is right because it feels right. My body is RESPONDING. Just because the scale doesn't reflect what's going on - that's not a true reflection of what is indeed actually happening.

Can I banish the scale for a month this time? I'm seriously thinking about it.

$4,380 dollars saved...and possibly a life.

Two years ago today (just about to the minute), I finally quit smoking. At the time, I was, like many smokers, waiting for motivation, divine intervention and a whole lot of inspiration to finally kick the habit. And, without delving too deep into my political leanings (which veer into the lilly livered 'sphere), for some oddball reason, the emotion, hope and sheer impossibility or President Obama's inauguration compelled me to suck the deliciously painful spectre of death into my lungs for the very last time.

I won't lie and say it was easy. It was so NOT easy. Cold turkey is a bitch. That said, all of the planets did sort of align to allow me to succeed. My stress level was a lot lower thanks to a great relationship and a much easier job situation. My finances were in order for the first time since I was 22 years old. And, boy oh boy, did that extra $180-$200 in my pocket every month make quitting all the more gratifying!

As someone who has always struggled with weight, and as someone who actually took up smoking because I was told it'd help keep me skinny after my first monumental weight loss - the one thing I feared more than anything about quitting was that I'd gain weight. My mother quit smoking about 20 years ago and almost immediately developed fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, incessant allergies and multiple chemical sensitivity. She also gained about 200 pounds. As a nice and ironic counterbalance, my father had recently beaten a smoking related cancer (same kind Michael Douglas had) and he smoked for 30 years before quitting many, many years ago.

I was faced with the ridiculous question of which is worse: being an orca or getting cancer?

Fast-forward to today, and it's abundantly clear the path I've chosen.

Sure, I can breathe easier. I feel better. But I don't look better. What's more, with all that I managed to gain in the past two years, I've increased my risk for a bunch of other cancers, diabetes, heart problems, falling and not being able to get up, etc. Ain't that something?

When I think about what I have accomplished for my health in these past few years - losing a bunch of weight, quitting smoking, eating MUCH healthier food, educating myself on nutrition - I can't wallow too much in self-pity. So long as I continue to allow myself to care about my health, there's no limit to what I can accomplish.