Ok, I Lied!

I had every intention of making it until this Friday before weighing myself again - for the first time in 2 weeks. Unfortunately, I caved and weighed in today and guess what?

I'm up a half pound.

What the fuck?! Sorry - I know - LANGUAGE - but SERIOUSLY! I wasn't expecting to have lost a ton of weight, but I'm looking and feeling better and my clothes are fitting better...oh! and I've been working out like it's my job for just over a month. I've also been eating very clean, very nutritious meals. So come on now!!! What gives?

I know muscle weighs more than fat and I know I've gained a good amount of muscle with all of the biking, walking, stretching, skiing, lifting, huffing and puffing I've been putting in. I also know to eat enough on a daily basis so that I'm not putting my body into starvation mode. I count calories (in with food and out with exercise) religiously and monitor my intake of all of the vital vitamins and minerals.

I know I can lose weight because I have lost weight. Lots of it. Still, why the extremely slow re-start? My body should be responding, no?

I think I need to try this whole not weighing myself thing for another two weeks. If I still don't see any results, I'm going to have to see a doctor. Maybe I should be seeing a shrink.

Oh well - time to work out! Btw, did you know that Crunch Gym has a whole lot of vids on the Netflix server that you can watch instantly on your computer or video game console? I think I'm going to try to samba today. Maybe that will knock some of the fat off of my bones!

Putting My Scale In Time-Out!

Ugh. Actually, no. Wait. Not ugh! I'm kicking ass. I've been working out like it's my job these past few weeks. I've been eating clean and virtually meat and dairy-less as well. I've been feeling better and kicked what was clearly an emerging sinus infection in record time. Oh yeah, and the snow and ice on the pond out back is just about melted. Woo-hoo!

Still, my scale is a mean and miserable bitch. Up and down and up and down. It's absurd. I've been biking and skiing for 60 minutes 5-6 days a week!!! I've been counting calories and am not over or under-indulging. I look better. Heck, I even have my monthly visitor and am not nearly as bloated as I usually get and not nearly as weepy...though, side note: soy does really mess with your hormones. Helloooo, rice milk!

My friends Theresa and Bridgette have both inspired me to send the scale packing for a few weeks. Bridgette doesn't even own one - can you imagine?!?!?! I don't think I can go THAT far for at least a hundred pounds.

Still, the idea of focusing on feeling good and doing good is far more important than the numbers right now. But, like my last few posts have clearly proven - my subconscious is a major and moody player in this fight. So, I have to figure out a plan that can stick a pin in that part of my mind that's completed fixated on the numbers.

As of today, I vow to take a two week fast from weighing myself. It might sound crazy, but it's going to be hard!!! We have two scales in the house plus a Wii Fit. Shit, I can't use my Wii Fit. Eh, it's my cop-out workout anyway. Guess it's all for the best.

Wish me luck! And damn it, I had better see some movement on April 1st! Ugh. April Fools Day. Geez. Do I know how to time my mind-f**ks or what?

Am I My Own Doppelganger?

I've looked in the mirror and have confirmed that I am indeed the same person. That being said, I have not only managed to work out 6x per week over the past 3 weeks, but over the past few days, I've hit the bike and Nordic Trak for 45+ minutes! Oh! And my 'cheat' for this past week was a total fail. I tried to eat a whole burrito bowl from Chipotle and could only get three-quarters of it down. My bf got Five Guys and as excited as I was to share his fries, they wound up in the trash. I just couldn't do it.

I don't feel deprived at all (yet), though that's probably due in large part to the variety I've built into my diet.

I dunno though, I'm beginning to think that the evil, lethargic and depression-loving me is on sabbatical. Hell, I even got through last week's PMS unscathed.

Stay tuned!

Building Muscle...Losing My MIND!

Really proud of myself. No, really. After quite the hiatus, I've managed to work out consistently (5x per week) over the past few weeks. My body is tightening and I can really see it. My posture has also improved. My head feels clearer. I'm sleeping better.

But I haven't lost much weight.

Oh yeah, and I've been eating so clean and so consciously, it's unreal. Yesterday, I actually struggled to meet my calorie goals and had to indulge in a banana-peanut butter-soy milk shake just to make sure I was taking in enough calories from protein. This isn't something I usually have a hard time with (obviously).

Still, the scale has moved a mere 2 pounds.

cartoon courtesy of: re-imaginelife.com

I really hate the struggle between the logical and emotional lobes. I know for a fact that muscle weighs more than fat; that I've got a hell of a lot of fat to burn and turn.  Still, there's just this irrational expectation that I should have lost an enormous amount of weight by now. I've been a good girl and I deserve a reward. If it's not a piece of cake, it had damn well better be 10 pounds. Why can't I get past the numbers and just be grateful for the gifts I've already received as a result of my efforts?

I know it will come but I just wanted to vent...partly because it seems to help whenever I put my unreasonable thoughts into words...partly because I'm really and truly upset in spite of myself.

At least I'm not eating to numb the pain...yet!

My Scale Isn't Broken!

After a few weeks of relative stagnation, I am happy to report a 2 pound weight loss.

After the great workouts and clean eating, I was beginning to wonder if my thyroid had finally committed suicide.

Maybe it'll be 4 by the end of the week? Pretty please weight loss gods?

Ah, The Sweet Smell Of Split Pea Soup and Success

A little over a year ago, I started a group on Facebook called Wishful Shrinking. Dubbed a "safe space to discuss weighty issues", it quickly became an exciting mix of both friends and strangers who have all since become comrades in weight loss. It's great to get others' perspectives, their stories on success and failure, what they define as such and to just cheer one another on after a bad day, week, month, etc. It's also a fun place to share everything from recipes and exercise tips to workout playlists and weight loss gadgets.

138 pounds - OBLITERATED!

Unfortunately for the Shrinkers, the activity within the group depends in large part upon my stoking the flames of motivation - and when I fell off of the wagon, hit my head on a wheel well and went into a coma of not giving a rat's ass about the size of my own ass from late September until January, the group went pretty well dormant. That is, until the past few weeks! The sleeping giant has most certainly awoken and I am beyond excited to say that as of yesterday, those handful of us who use the site to check in with weekly weight loss results have lost a collective 138.61 pounds!

That's an entire person! I am so proud and completely re-motivated to keep that number growing. Imagine if we can match that success in another year's time?! I know we can! Hell, I aim to personally ;-)

NOM! NOM! NOM!

In other news, I broke the vegan fast this weekend for sushi. It was so worth it! Still no red meat to speak of and as far as dairy, I've only had a little bit of grated parm cheese on some pasta and on some roasted asparagus. Not having dairy in my life has made a heck of a difference. I'm sure not eating beef isn't hurting either. I feel great. The inflammation and bloating that had just become a part of my life are near gone. It's just wonderful. I may never go back. But, never say never. I'm sure there's a burger or a steak in my future. And a burger just isn't a burger without a big ol' slice of cheddar on top.

My friend Bridgette, who went down this road a bit ahead of me and keeps tossing back some great advice, said it best: not eating meat or dairy on a daily basis really makes the times that you do have it all the more enjoyable. Cut to my sushi-fest on Saturday night. I don't think I've been happier eating raw fish. It doesn't hurt that we have a fantastic restaurant just around the corner.

I also discovered that split pea soup without ham can be quite awesome. With some vegetable stock, crushed mustard seed, tarragon, bay leaves, salt, pepper, celery, carrots, potatoes, onion and...balsamic vinegar of all things...it's hearty and a fantastic healthy lunch option. The balsamic really threw me for a loop when I was searching for recipes but I figured why the heck not? It's fabulous. Don't miss porky at all!

Boy, this post has some twists and turns in it. Thanks for coming along for the ride.

My Grocery List Is Bananas! (And Potatoes. And Carrots, Too!)

photo credit: thedailygreen.com

Adopting a new eat-style changes everything. Take the new grocery list, for example. It's not that we skipped over the fresh produce aisle before last week. Far from it. I started this weight loss journey over a year ago and with that, my weaning off of High Fructose Corn Suicide. I had long since embraced whole foods. But, now that I'm doing the whole veg thing, I think me and the ol' leafy greens are at second base and zero-ing in on third. Seriously, there's more fresh produce on there than ANYTHING else. (I'm counting the frozen strawberries, canned garbanzos and dried split peas in that company, since, while they're not fresh, they're not exactly your run-of-the-mill processed poison either!)

Cucumbers, bananas, baby carrots, broccoli, new potatoes, oranges, onions, asparagus, lemons. Amazing.

Who am I?

As for the other foodstuffs - we've got coffee, Wacky Mac rotini, Veggie Burgers, Ragu original pasta sauce (surprisingly good, cheap and un-futzed-around with), Soy Milk, Tofuti Cuties (my favorite Faux ice cream sammie - even better than Skinny Cow), eggs (yes, I've graduated to ovo-veg now) and popsicles.

Really proud of this turnaround. Even prouder that I don't feel deprived. Honestly, the only thing I'm really missing at the moment is the hearty-ness of a good bread with a nice, warm soup. I may cave and make naan this week to go along with the split pea soup I'm making.

So, it's really the textures I'm missing more than the actual foods.

Onward and downward!

Sh*t Poison That Could Probably Kill You...Oh Well!

Thx to Lorrie at MyAllNaturalWeightLoss.com for 

sharing this first. HI-larious! 

Not Trying To Jinx Myself Here But...

Second workout this week! Not much of an accomplishment, really...but I find that writing it down and plastering it on the web really lifts my spirits. God, I am such a narcissist!

I've also managed to keep this Vegan thing going. I'm not even finding it that difficult. I have noticed some wacky mood swings lately though. It's not PMS, since the timing isn't right. Nothing else has changed in my life or my habits really. The only thing I can figure out is that I'm detoxing like a mo-fo.

Anyone else ever experience this after going veggie?

Stay tuned.