Now, I'm still obese by definition, but having been every number between 365 on down and knowing what I know about my body, how I look and how others react to me now...I'm really just overweight at this point. I'll never be what's considered normal for my height - around 135. I haven't weighed that since I was in like 6th grade. Even when I was at my absolute skinniest I was in the 150s and couldn't sustain the weight without working out at least 60 minutes per day and eating less than 1000 calories. My body just isn't built the way the charts and graphs decree it needs to be.
Personally, I think that somewhere between 165-185 is going to be my sweet spot. I'll know it when I get there. For now, my goal is to hit 185 ... preferably before my wedding ... but that's 54 pounds and the wedding is 102 days away.
Lately, I've been resigning myself to the fact that this number is completely unrealistic. Actually, 'resigning' is the wrong word. I've accepted it. If I've learned nothing over the past 126 pounds, it's that my body is in control as opposed to my wild and often unreasonable expectations.
So, my new goal: to weigh less than 200 pounds by the wedding. I don't care if it's 199.9...just to sink below that silly, and frankly, meaningless number will mean so much to me. (Yes, I realize the absurdity of that last sentence, but it's the truth!)
My other goal: to look reasonably good in a bathing suit by then. We're going to an amazing all-inclusive north of Cancun for our honeymoon and there are pools and beaches everywhere! I can't wait to swim again. It hasn't been since college that I've worn a bathing suit. I'm not sure which would be more of an achievement for me - losing a person and a half's worth or weight or wearing a bathing suit with confidence.
When I said this to a friend the other day, she immediately asked, aren't you as concerned about looking good in your wedding dress? My immediate response, without even skipping a beat, was NO! No matter how form-fitting the dress winds up being, I'll A.) still be more covered up than I would be in a bathing suit, and B.) will have Spanx under there smoothing, pushing, smooshing and holding everything in place. I might not be able to breathe, but I'll look fan-freakin-tastic.
My midsection is just about bathing suit ready. My arms are almost there too. My ankles and calves don't have too far to go...nor do my inner thighs. However, my rear end and my upper legs in general are as flabby as can be. No matter how much I lose or how hard I work out, those areas may shrink, but it seems like they're just revealing newer, flabbier unsightlyness underneath. Ugh.I know I'll get there ... especially now that I've pulled kettlebells into the workout rotation and have really ramped up the elliptical training too. Things are quickly tightening up ... but the question remains: will I be bathing suit ready by mid-July?
You bet I will be!
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