Fast forward to yesterday...
Remember when I bought my dress last week and how excited I was to fit in the size 16? Yeah, well, I tried it on again on Monday and it was already getting baggy on me. I went back and forth on whether to try and exchange it for a 14 or to just have it altered...and I decided that since there's still 50+ days left until the wedding and nearly as many workouts a size 14 might even wind up being too big (of late, I've been working out between 90 and 120 minutes per day - elliptical, bike, kettlebells, pilates, yoga, walking, you name it - it's been awesome!). Better to start from there with a seamstress than from what will effectively look like a potato sack come July, right?
It was pretty fun to exchange it and explain the reason why. The store clerk was cute and said, "Well, if you keep on shrinking, we actually have this dress up on the 2nd floor in non-plus sizes too." She wasn't a skinny mini herself and smiled that knowing smile at me and winked. It was a nice moment between kindred spirits.
Riding on that high, I went over to the summer sale section and decided to try to squish myself into a size 16 crop pant. Um, holy crap. Not only did they fit, I could have easily squished myself into a 14. I mean, a dress I can understand -- especially this dress -- since it's fitted at the top (where I'm more of a 12/14) and flares out very forgivingly across the pear portions of my personage...but dude, I fit comfortably into tapered leg fitted khaki crops in a size 16. Needless to say, I bought them. (They were on sale, so F it!)
It's weird - but I feel like I'm shrinking exponentially faster now than I was before. I mean, I bought a dress last week and already had to exchange it. I only just shrank into a size 18 pant last month and now I'm on the edge of 14. My weight loss hasn't been as significant, but I'm losing inches left, right and center.
No matter how far down I get, I'm consistently amazed by how resilient and responsive my body continues to be. There's always this underlying current of worry that it'll eventually crap out on me ... but I've actually learned to listen to my body (and not just my kooky brain) and to give it what it needs. This is the change that overrides everything.
I got rid of high fructose corn crap. I went on Medifast and then stopped when it wasn't working for me anymore. I eat protein after my heavier workouts and feel wonderful for it. I went off of red meat for a while and recalibrated my system. I stopped drinking milk and severely limited dairy. I went full-on vegan for a while and even off of gluten and healed my digestive system - now I can actually tolerate being omnivorous again, within reason. I even weaned myself off of Zyrtec - which was pure but necessary hell.
This connectedness is hard to explain but it's really profound. I've learned to hear what my body wants and not just the carb-starved or emotionally ravenous demons in my brain. Not just to hear...but to really listen and respond. It sounds kooky, I'm sure, but knowing what I need and actually following through on it is something I have always struggled with, internally and externally. This isn't just an eating lesson I've learned - it's a life lesson.
Hit 139 pounds today. Here's to 140 and beyond!
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