Just returned from an epic cross-country trip - one I was a little worried would ruin my progress. But - I'm happy to report that vacation didn't ruin me at all. I blame walking nonstop in San Francisco and even a bit in Vegas in spite of three days on the train. Besides, the food on the Amtrak trains really isn't that bad - I had a black bean burger a few times and the portions are reasonable, not gigundous. Even the Vegas buffet at Aria was pretty darn healthy if you didn't go mega crazy with the desserts. Still, I did gain a few before re-losing it again last week.
And now, today, I'm down 50 since Christmas. Finally. It feels good to be on a roll instead of covered in them.
Woohoo!
Getting there - well, getting back to there, that is. Progress is sweet.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Monday, March 31, 2014
By The Numbers...And The Other Numbers...
I asked my husband last week - when I was "having
a day" - to look at photos taken of me from the last time I weighed what I
do now and to tell me if I look the same. He said flatly, "No. Absolutely
not."
Incredulous - because numbers do not lie and my body dysmorphia is absolutely bananas - I insisted that I must look that way...because that's what I weigh!
But he insisted, "You do NOT look like that. Not at all. Your body, your face, none of it. You do NOT look like that."
I wanted to believe him - I really, really did. But...the guy loves me...so, he's as blind as I am.
Right?
Then I remembered I keep meticulous measurements and have been since 2009
- I measure myself with each weekly weigh in (arms, waist, hips, legs,
bust, etc). With this information, I'd surely be able to prove him
wrong...and proceed to wallow in self-pity for a while.
But he was right!
With the exception of my hips and calves that are only slightly larger, today's measurements align with a 30 pound lighter me from the last go-round.
It's a lot different losing with a fitter body than with a flabby body. Glad I kept the records. It truly is about more than just pounds!!!!
I don't know how this stands to tamp down my body dysmorphia - at all - cause it's really more of a mindf**** than not...but at least it's a good one this time!
Oh, and I am officially down 40 -- and a LOT more than that if you're counting back from the very beginning of this journey...but I'm not willing to share how much just yet.
Ain't gettin' to 50 before vacation next Friday...but whatever. It'll be waiting to go when I return.
Friday, March 21, 2014
Under Again and Back In The Rotation
Welp, I made it. Under the first of a few mile markers I said I'd never get over again. Woohoo!
Down 36 this latest go-round and, with 3 weeks left til vacation, my goal of hitting 50 beforehand is looking less and less likely...but, because today is a "good day", I'm just happy to be losing at all...especially because the past few weeks have been inches but not pounds weeks, and those are effing maddening.
You know those songs you love so much that you play them over and over again until you hate them? Ya know, "Uprising" by Muse or "Peace Sells" by Megadeth? (Two of my on again/off again favorites.) Yeah, I have the same problem with workouts.
Today, I fell back in love with one that I'd put in the time-out chair for the better part of this past year. "Super Slimdown Pilates Yoga Blend" from Ellen Barrett and Crunch. I've mentioned it before a couple of dozen posts ago...and I've also typed at length of my respect for how Ellen runs her routines. First off, she's very easy to deal with - no drill sargeant crazy, no whiny or scream-y voice - just simple, straightforward, personable, etc. I don't need to be shamed into working out a la Jillian Michaels - my Catholic upbringing has infused my inner voice with more than enough of that. I just need easy to follow instructions, counting, less chit chat and music that sort of fades into the background instead of wearing on my nerves.
The thing I like most about this workout - and it's why I considered it my "easy" routine for a few years - is that it's more about form and isometrics than it is about reps and losing your breath. Don't get me wrong, your heart rate gets plenty worked up, but this routine is really about toning, stretching and elongating muscles.
If you're feeling stiff or just like a block of stone when you get up in the morning - I strongly suggest trying this DVD out. It heats and stretches muscles you work in your regular cardio routines and builds fantastic core strength over time as well.
It's just the workout I needed after a week full of heavy biking and skiing. My muscles feel loose and happy again.
On to the next 10 pounds!
Down 36 this latest go-round and, with 3 weeks left til vacation, my goal of hitting 50 beforehand is looking less and less likely...but, because today is a "good day", I'm just happy to be losing at all...especially because the past few weeks have been inches but not pounds weeks, and those are effing maddening.
You know those songs you love so much that you play them over and over again until you hate them? Ya know, "Uprising" by Muse or "Peace Sells" by Megadeth? (Two of my on again/off again favorites.) Yeah, I have the same problem with workouts.
Today, I fell back in love with one that I'd put in the time-out chair for the better part of this past year. "Super Slimdown Pilates Yoga Blend" from Ellen Barrett and Crunch. I've mentioned it before a couple of dozen posts ago...and I've also typed at length of my respect for how Ellen runs her routines. First off, she's very easy to deal with - no drill sargeant crazy, no whiny or scream-y voice - just simple, straightforward, personable, etc. I don't need to be shamed into working out a la Jillian Michaels - my Catholic upbringing has infused my inner voice with more than enough of that. I just need easy to follow instructions, counting, less chit chat and music that sort of fades into the background instead of wearing on my nerves.
The thing I like most about this workout - and it's why I considered it my "easy" routine for a few years - is that it's more about form and isometrics than it is about reps and losing your breath. Don't get me wrong, your heart rate gets plenty worked up, but this routine is really about toning, stretching and elongating muscles.
If you're feeling stiff or just like a block of stone when you get up in the morning - I strongly suggest trying this DVD out. It heats and stretches muscles you work in your regular cardio routines and builds fantastic core strength over time as well.
It's just the workout I needed after a week full of heavy biking and skiing. My muscles feel loose and happy again.
On to the next 10 pounds!
Tuesday, March 18, 2014
Suck It In!
So, I started doing the silliest thing last week (well, I thought it was silly at the time) and, um, it's totally working!
I have a to-do list on my work computer that's always displayed on the left hand side of my monitor. I wrote "suck it in" in big bold letters at the top of the list to serve as a visual reminder to sit up straight and pull in my abs.
Let's face it, not every day is going to involve ab toning exercises - either because of the "I don't wannas" or because there's no time.
Well, my posture has already improved and my waistline has already come in an inch! Sure, some of that can easily be attributed to weight loss and general exercise, but since most of my losses at the waist are about .5 inches per week...hmmmm.
I remember reading somewhere that for every ten seconds you "suck it in", you get the equivalent of 1 sit-up. It would appear there's something to this!
And, the more I am reminded to "suck it in" at work, I find I'm more compelled to do it while walking around the house and sitting in front of the tv. Being more conscious of my posture feels really good!
I have a to-do list on my work computer that's always displayed on the left hand side of my monitor. I wrote "suck it in" in big bold letters at the top of the list to serve as a visual reminder to sit up straight and pull in my abs.
Let's face it, not every day is going to involve ab toning exercises - either because of the "I don't wannas" or because there's no time.
Well, my posture has already improved and my waistline has already come in an inch! Sure, some of that can easily be attributed to weight loss and general exercise, but since most of my losses at the waist are about .5 inches per week...hmmmm.
I remember reading somewhere that for every ten seconds you "suck it in", you get the equivalent of 1 sit-up. It would appear there's something to this!
And, the more I am reminded to "suck it in" at work, I find I'm more compelled to do it while walking around the house and sitting in front of the tv. Being more conscious of my posture feels really good!
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Oh, NOW I remember!
Gotta love the ol selective memory. It seems every time I jump back onto the high protein/lower carb (don't freak out - I'm not going Atkins extreme here) bandwagon, I immediately fall back in love with the rush of ketosis -- so much so that I conveniently forget all of the miserable effing side-effects.
Starting with...constipation.
Yeah, I'm goin' there. Deal with it or move on. Lord knows, I'm not. Oh, you bet that was a pun. I went there again.
Sorry, I'm a little cranky.
As with any dietary adjustment - the body and its, shall we say, functions, also take their sweet time to adjust.
AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
Thing is, if I only just ramped up the exercise a bit more, I'd probably be fine. Historically, I have been.
But, frankly, I don't want to do the 60-90 minutes of heavy cardio 4x per week plus 2 pilates/yoga sessions that I was doing before. It was un-friggin-sustainable --- and when my mind and body had finally hit its limit, I stopped all of it and never really got back on track again for a full year. (See the blog post lapse for proof.)
I also am not a fan of laxatives because, for starters, your body becomes dependent upon them and I really don't feel like popping Miralax for the rest of my natural born life.
So, for as great as I feel and for as much weight and as many inches as I am losing...the balance still isn't quite there.
Frankly, the only diet plan I was ever on that had me feeling equal parts energized and regular was the vegan plan...and, damn it, I don't want to give up sushi or steak again ever. Cutting down is all I can reasonably stand. (Oh, and bacon. I'd be a goner without the occasional piece of bacon - even turkey bacon!)
I guess it's off to rejigger this whole plan again. Up the cardio a bit more and up the complex carbs and fiber (even though - honestly - I am taking in at least 25g and upwards of 30g of fiber per day!). Need to pull back on the dairy, too. That's not doing me any favors.
Why can't I just find one way of being, stick with it and move on? Because I bore too easily, that's why! Ergh.
Starting with...constipation.
Yeah, I'm goin' there. Deal with it or move on. Lord knows, I'm not. Oh, you bet that was a pun. I went there again.
Sorry, I'm a little cranky.
As with any dietary adjustment - the body and its, shall we say, functions, also take their sweet time to adjust.
AND I DON'T LIKE IT.
Thing is, if I only just ramped up the exercise a bit more, I'd probably be fine. Historically, I have been.
But, frankly, I don't want to do the 60-90 minutes of heavy cardio 4x per week plus 2 pilates/yoga sessions that I was doing before. It was un-friggin-sustainable --- and when my mind and body had finally hit its limit, I stopped all of it and never really got back on track again for a full year. (See the blog post lapse for proof.)
I also am not a fan of laxatives because, for starters, your body becomes dependent upon them and I really don't feel like popping Miralax for the rest of my natural born life.
So, for as great as I feel and for as much weight and as many inches as I am losing...the balance still isn't quite there.
Frankly, the only diet plan I was ever on that had me feeling equal parts energized and regular was the vegan plan...and, damn it, I don't want to give up sushi or steak again ever. Cutting down is all I can reasonably stand. (Oh, and bacon. I'd be a goner without the occasional piece of bacon - even turkey bacon!)
I guess it's off to rejigger this whole plan again. Up the cardio a bit more and up the complex carbs and fiber (even though - honestly - I am taking in at least 25g and upwards of 30g of fiber per day!). Need to pull back on the dairy, too. That's not doing me any favors.
Why can't I just find one way of being, stick with it and move on? Because I bore too easily, that's why! Ergh.
Monday, March 10, 2014
Sugary Sluggishness
Ehhhh...not the greatest week I've had, but most definitely not the worst. I'm just not feeling the losses (3.3 pounds, 2.5 inches) the way I normally do -- though, clearly, by the numbers, they're there. I used my bike and Nordic Track skier 5x and got an Ellen Barrett Grace & Gusto in there too.
Maybe it's the sleep deprivation courtesy of Daylight Savings.
Maybe it's the hangover/Saturday carby goodness that came before it.
Yeah, ^ that's most definitely the culprit.
After four straight weeks of being on plan and really sticking to my guns, I decided to drink a bottle of wine by myself on Friday night. Usually, not a big deal.
But, with few calories in my body and no tolerance left to speak of...
Yeah, kind of a big deal. Ugh. Headache and desperate need for spongey, doughy, ooey, gooey calories came next. What's really weird? I didn't WANT them, I just felt like I needed them. I don't know if that's ever happened to this carb-o-holic!
Fast forward to today, I'm still bloated and bleh. Down on the scale. Down with the measuring tape. Just plain down.
An odd combination, to be sure!
So, today it's 25 on the skier, 30-40 on the bike, lots of calisthenics, clean eating and an early bedtime. At least, that's the plan!
Hopefully tomorrow will have me feeling like myself again - and FEELING motivated instead of relying solely on the scant motivation living inside of my sugar-detoxing brain.
Maybe it's the sleep deprivation courtesy of Daylight Savings.
Maybe it's the hangover/Saturday carby goodness that came before it.
Yeah, ^ that's most definitely the culprit.
After four straight weeks of being on plan and really sticking to my guns, I decided to drink a bottle of wine by myself on Friday night. Usually, not a big deal.
But, with few calories in my body and no tolerance left to speak of...
Yeah, kind of a big deal. Ugh. Headache and desperate need for spongey, doughy, ooey, gooey calories came next. What's really weird? I didn't WANT them, I just felt like I needed them. I don't know if that's ever happened to this carb-o-holic!
Fast forward to today, I'm still bloated and bleh. Down on the scale. Down with the measuring tape. Just plain down.
An odd combination, to be sure!
So, today it's 25 on the skier, 30-40 on the bike, lots of calisthenics, clean eating and an early bedtime. At least, that's the plan!
Hopefully tomorrow will have me feeling like myself again - and FEELING motivated instead of relying solely on the scant motivation living inside of my sugar-detoxing brain.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Oops! [I Did It Again]
So, yeah, it's been...a while...and a lot of pounds, up and down, ups and downs in general, yeah. So, yeeeeah.
The good news: I didn't gain it ALL back.
The honest news: I damn near did.
The better news: I've already lost 34 of it again.
I'm working out and eating clean and not beating myself up too much about it. Everyone has their fair share of issues - and I much prefer my brand to some of the others I've been exposed to of late.
Bought an exercise bike, too. I find it to be about as good an "I don't wanna" buster as it gets. I mean...you're working out while sitting on your ass in front of the tv, if you're really smart. What's that little lazy voice in the back of my head? Yeah, I didn't think so.
One thing I know that DOES work for me - a ticking clock. Losing for our wedding in '12 (and the photos) was about as big a motivator as it gets. This time around, I've set up a few more.
The first - and the reason for the 50 I hope to have gone by the time we leave - is a cross-country train, plan and automobile trip in mid-April. Amtrak's Cali Zephyr to San Fran, a few days in the Bay City and then off to Vegas for a Megadeth Motorhead one night only show. Can't. Friggin. Wait. Of course, being less gigundo-huge will make travel a heck of a lot easier - and meeting my husband's super cool cousins while out there and possibly meeting up with some in his family who last saw me skinnier is an even bigger mental nudge.
The next - another trip later in the year to Cancun - so, bathing suit...yipe!
The third - and most exciting - is that I'm going to be an aunt again! And, like the wedding, there will be lots of pictures of my holding my new "niecephew". I fully intend to look fabulous in them...even though I'll be the only one looking at ME in the damn shots. Why are all fatties (and former fatties) such narcissists? Jeez.
Now that I've confessed to being a dope and allowing myself to fall down the carbolicious rabbit-hole again...I feel better. Kinda. Well, at least I'm motivated!
So, it's 63 down. %$&* left to re-lose...and then we shall see what more I'm willing to do (if anything) beyond that.
The good news: I didn't gain it ALL back.
The honest news: I damn near did.The better news: I've already lost 34 of it again.
I'm working out and eating clean and not beating myself up too much about it. Everyone has their fair share of issues - and I much prefer my brand to some of the others I've been exposed to of late.
Bought an exercise bike, too. I find it to be about as good an "I don't wanna" buster as it gets. I mean...you're working out while sitting on your ass in front of the tv, if you're really smart. What's that little lazy voice in the back of my head? Yeah, I didn't think so.
One thing I know that DOES work for me - a ticking clock. Losing for our wedding in '12 (and the photos) was about as big a motivator as it gets. This time around, I've set up a few more.
The first - and the reason for the 50 I hope to have gone by the time we leave - is a cross-country train, plan and automobile trip in mid-April. Amtrak's Cali Zephyr to San Fran, a few days in the Bay City and then off to Vegas for a Megadeth Motorhead one night only show. Can't. Friggin. Wait. Of course, being less gigundo-huge will make travel a heck of a lot easier - and meeting my husband's super cool cousins while out there and possibly meeting up with some in his family who last saw me skinnier is an even bigger mental nudge.
The next - another trip later in the year to Cancun - so, bathing suit...yipe!
The third - and most exciting - is that I'm going to be an aunt again! And, like the wedding, there will be lots of pictures of my holding my new "niecephew". I fully intend to look fabulous in them...even though I'll be the only one looking at ME in the damn shots. Why are all fatties (and former fatties) such narcissists? Jeez.
Now that I've confessed to being a dope and allowing myself to fall down the carbolicious rabbit-hole again...I feel better. Kinda. Well, at least I'm motivated!
So, it's 63 down. %$&* left to re-lose...and then we shall see what more I'm willing to do (if anything) beyond that.
