My Waistline Is Wasting Away! (and so is everything else)

For shits and giggles, I decided to measure myself again this week. Jeez!

I'm down another 6 inches on top of the 5.8 pounds I've lost since 5/22.

That's insane!

I know those numbers won't continue - at least not at that crazy pace - for long, but damn! How crazy awesome is that?!?!

The only downside: my second wedding dress is getting too big, there aren't any decent seamstresses around here taking on more clients and I'm probably going to have to exchange it again or just find another dress closer to the day of.

Oh well. I really just don't care. It's a cocktail dress and at this rate, I'm going to look good in damn near anything. WOOHOO!

A Fish Called Shannon

When I was a kid, you'd practically have to pay to get me out of the pool. Even when I was a bit of a chunker. My parents called me a fish. We had a backyard pool for a good portion of my childhood and even after we moved, I spent weeks of my summer driving out to the lake, slathering on sunscreen and hanging out with friends. In college, I joined a local gym and swam there.

I took my last swim in the summer of 1999. I remember it clearly. I was at the gym ... a gym I was spending less and less time with since I had turned 21 and realized beer was a much more enjoyable pastime once it had become legal to consume ... the gym was crowded and I felt really self-conscious.

And I never went back.

Then, life got in the way. I moved to New York, got a really demanding series of jobs and then I got fatter and fatter and fatter.

There was no way in HELL I'd have ever gotten into a pool after that.

Until yesterday!! Our complex pool opened on Memorial Day and I woke up ready to swim. So, I put on my first bathing suit in 13 years and swam - first, for about 2 hours and then I went back again for another hour.

Talk about a non-scale victory! Only 38 pounds to go!

The First 140 ... The iMovie

It's been 19 pounds since the last one...and quite a lot has happened visually!  (It's like a puppeteer is pulling a string attached to my rump and an invisible man is pushing down on my tummy, LOL!)

Countdown To (Plus Size) Extinction!

When we were in Hilton Head this February, I decided that the outlet malls were the perfect solution to one of my biggest weight loss woes: the expense of constantly having to replace clothes.

So, in the spirit of wishful shrinking, I bought my last three pairs of plus size jeans at the Lane Bryant outlet. 20, 18 and 16. Lately, I've been afraid to try on that last pair...it seems I do every other week and I can't even get them over my hips. Then, earlier this week, with the dress and crop pants successes shoring me up...I thought, maybe...just maybe...

Today, I hit 140 pounds and decided I was emotionally ready to try them again (and even to fail -- I mean, I still have those size 16 crop pants and a size 14 dress to keep my psyche feeling warm and fuzzy).

Ta-Da!

From 28W to 14 - Shrunk In Half!

When I officially started this journey on 11/22/2009, I was uncomfortably wearing dress pants in a size 22/24...and I had completely stretched those damn pants out. My other pants featured the predictable elastic waistband. By the numbers, I was more of a 28W+.

Fast forward to yesterday...

Remember when I bought my dress last week and how excited I was to fit in the size 16? Yeah, well, I tried it on again on Monday and it was already getting baggy on me. I went back and forth on whether to try and exchange it for a 14 or to just have it altered...and I decided that since there's still 50+ days left until the wedding and nearly as many workouts a size 14 might even wind up being too big (of late, I've been working out between 90 and 120 minutes per day - elliptical, bike, kettlebells, pilates, yoga, walking, you name it - it's been awesome!). Better to start from there with a seamstress than from what will effectively look like a potato sack come July, right?

It was pretty fun to exchange it and explain the reason why. The store clerk was cute and said, "Well, if you keep on shrinking, we actually have this dress up on the 2nd floor in non-plus sizes too." She wasn't a skinny mini herself and smiled that knowing smile at me and winked. It was a nice moment between kindred spirits.

Riding on that high, I went over to the summer sale section and decided to try to squish myself into a size 16 crop pant. Um, holy crap. Not only did they fit, I could have easily squished myself into a 14. I mean, a dress I can understand -- especially this dress -- since it's fitted at the top (where I'm more of a 12/14) and flares out very forgivingly across the pear portions of my personage...but dude, I fit comfortably into tapered leg fitted khaki crops in a size 16. Needless to say, I bought them. (They were on sale, so F it!)

It's weird - but I feel like I'm shrinking exponentially faster now than I was before. I mean, I bought a dress last week and already had to exchange it. I only just shrank into a size 18 pant last month and now I'm on the edge of 14. My weight loss hasn't been as significant, but I'm losing inches left, right and center.

No matter how far down I get, I'm consistently amazed by how resilient and responsive my body continues to be. There's always this underlying current of worry that it'll eventually crap out on me ... but I've actually learned to listen to my body (and not just my kooky brain) and to give it what it needs. This is the change that overrides everything.

I got rid of high fructose corn crap. I went on Medifast and then stopped when it wasn't working for me anymore. I eat protein after my heavier workouts and feel wonderful for it. I went off of red meat for a while and recalibrated my system. I stopped drinking milk and severely limited dairy. I went full-on vegan for a while and even off of gluten and healed my digestive system - now I can actually tolerate being omnivorous again, within reason. I even weaned myself off of Zyrtec - which was pure but necessary hell.

This connectedness is hard to explain but it's really profound. I've learned to hear what my body wants and not just the carb-starved or emotionally ravenous demons in my brain. Not just to hear...but to really listen and respond. It sounds kooky, I'm sure, but knowing what I need and actually following through on it is something I have always struggled with, internally and externally. This isn't just an eating lesson I've learned - it's a life lesson.

Hit 139 pounds today. Here's to 140 and beyond!

5 Pounds & 5.5 Inches - Slow & Steady

It's been just shy of a month since the last time I measured every inch of my body...and in that time, I've lost 5 pounds and 5.5 inches...from my calves, my arms, my belly and three from my friggin saddlebags.

This is why I love my tape measure.

I also love my new scale. Over the past three weeks since I quit Medifast, my weight loss has predictably stalled -- but my fat loss has been steady and significant. According to the scale, which measures % body water, bone mass, fat and muscle...I'm down from nearly 45% body fat to just under 43% and my muscle mass has increased from 33% to nearly 36% -- IN JUST THREE WEEKS!

My goal is to be under 40% blubber by the wedding, and I think that's totally do-able with the workouts I've been doing lately. I have so much energy and love working out now like I haven't in years. It's great to view food as fuel again. That's one component missing from the Medifast diet (which, again, has a LOT of merit -- but it's nice to feel my body responding so favorably after I abruptly jumped off of the plan). I find that if I do a workout of about 45-60 minutes before 2pm, by around 4:30/5, I'm ready for a mile walk around the neighborhood or another round of yoga or pilates. In fact, I've been averaging about 60-90 minutes of cardio and/or strength training 6 days per week over these past three weeks. It's fantastic and I feel so accomplished.

I feel especially awesome after scrolling through some of my earlier posts -- posts where I talked about not wanting to work out, not being able to work out as hard as I used to and only being able to do 15 minutes on the bike...or only being fit enough to play with the Wii Fit...wow, was I out of shape!

It's great to look over my shoulder to see all that's behind me -- especially when I look in the mirror and still see those pesky 40+ pounds I have left to lose. I have a feeling they'll be some of the hardest fought pounds yet.

I've lost 138 pounds and 86 inches. Another 42 pounds? Totally doable.

My Perfect Wedding Dress ... Realized

So, I couldn't wait any longer. I just had to go wedding dress shopping!

I'm a non-traditional bride, sure...but I also have pretty conservative fashion taste. So, I already knew shopping for a wedding dress in this over-the-top era of 'My Super Sweet Sixteen' and 'Don't Be Tardy For The Wedding' would be a challenge. Hell, we had to buy my ring online just to get a simple, plain friggin band with a single stone in a Tiffany style setting.

Not surprisingly, our initial trip to the traditional bridal shop was a total bust.  My mom and I were gagging over the frilly cake topper dresses (and the outrageous prices)...and speaking of sizes, how evil are gown sizes?!?! I tried on a 17/18 and it didn't even go over my tatas. What. The. Fuuuu?

Anyway, after a much-needed pit-stop for sushi, my parents and I decided to take things down a notch and go in the opposite direction. So, off we went to Macy's to see what they had to offer.

Thank God we did. After all, my fiancee and I are having our wedding in a wine room at a local restaurant and our dinner is more like a dinner party/cocktail party. A cocktail dress seemed more in line with the occasion ... and with who I am as a bride.

I have to admit too, that my dream dress has always been a red one. My mom quickly put the kibosh on that idea when I let it slip to her a few months ago.

But then...we saw this dress. It's red. It's in that late 50's/early 60's Joan from 'Mad Men' style I have always L-O-V-E-D....it's by Calvin Klein...it's tea length...

All I can say is WOW! (I have a pic of me in it, but it's not going up on the web...you can see that when my photog snaps it in July.)

Oh, and it's 5 sizes smaller than my starting size AND it'll likely have to come down another size at the tailor's next month...which will land it at the size 14 goal I had set for myself back in January.

GAH!

I even convinced my mom -- actually, wait a minute, they were her idea -- to let me try on a pair of matching red patent leather peeptoe pumps.

This is my dream wedding ensemble...and it not only fits...it actually looks good! All I need is a spray tan and my fiancee and we'll be ready to get hitched.

I can't believe this is all happening!!! I'm a size 14/16 people!!! Holy crap!!!

Inches...Not Pounds

So, I might not have lost a single pound in over a week...but when I was getting ready to go out for a walk (my second workout of the day, btw...and the first involved 70 minutes of elliptical and bike hell)...I caught a look-see in the mirror and had to take a pic. Yahoo! Losing inches baby!

Taking The Training Wheels Off...Again

Last week, out of the blue, I decided I was done with Medifast.

It dawned on me that I had been on the plan for six months. SIX MONTHS! And, while it was an incredible -- and I mean incredible -- aid to my overall weight loss (I lost 69 pounds on the plan!)...I was starting to let it become a crutch and it was also beginning to undermine my intended path to wellness.

So, I'm taking the training wheels off of my diet again and going it alone -- for the rest of my life. Just 43 pounds to go! Sure, it'll take me a little longer to get there, but I know I'm doing what's right for me. 

When I started Medifast, I was just under 300 pounds and, while I was working out pretty regularly, I wasn't working out all that hard -- at least not in retrospect. Honestly, carrying that much weight, how could I have worked out that hard without blowing out my knees? Still, weigh as much as I did, it also didn't take nearly as much effort to burn a boatload of calories...since any effort required moving a hell of a lot more person to accomplish the feat.

When I've been fit in the past, I've always loved working out. Scratch that. Hated working out. Loved the feeling that came with it. That feeling always propelled me to work out an "extra five minutes" which occasionally turned into ten...and sometimes even became a second workout later in the day. 

Last week, that feeling came back to me...for the first time since 2001. The problem: I was on Medifast. 

See, on Medifast, you're quite literally fasting (hence the name). It's all very scientific and genius...you deprive your body of carbs/fuel in a very controlled and sneaky way and it's left to tap into the only source of energy it has available -- fat! The only downside is that it's quite a delicate balance, this trick you're playing on your body, and if you work out too much or too hard (they recommend 45 minutes tops/day), you could send your body reeling into starvation mode...and could harm yourself in the process, all without burning that wretched fat. Kind of defeats the purpose of working out, no?

Here's the crazy shit that was swirling around in my brain last week: "But...but...I want to work out. I want my muscles to be sleek and toned. I want that fat to burn off super fast, yes...but...I want to work out. I'm dying here on this couch. I need to..."

So, rather abruptly and kind of against the plan I had set out for myself leading up to the wedding...I quit Medifast cold turkey and went back to healthy eating...and I started working out longer and with a hell of a lot more effort. 

Now, here's the other reason M-fasters will think I'm insane: I quit without transitioning out of the plan. Medifast, and arguably rightly so, STRONGLY encourages clients to slowly transition out of the diet and into healthier eating. Here's why I skipped the transition: A.) I missed eating and cooking healthy foods; B.) I'd already been eating smaller, healthier meals before even going onto Medifast; something most Medifasters can't claim. Most Medifasters go right from their bad eating habits onto the plan. I had already lost 68 pounds completely on my own prior to starting the plan...so, I already have the tools I need to survive in the real eating world; C.) Medifast is f-ing expensive, y'all! 

Now it's off to work out! Here's my latest favorite: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Fusion-Ellen-Barrett/dp/B005OMN9E8

Impatient and Retaining Water

I'm down 135. I have just 45 to go. Oh, and it's just 73 days til my wedding.

I've already realized - and I really, really mean it - that I'm not going to make it to my goal weight by July 14th. I never started this whole journey with even the dream of a wedding at the end of it - my universe has just oddly aligned itself that way.

However, I would be lying if I said I wasn't desperate to be down under 200 pounds by then...and until the past few weeks of slowed losses, I thought that was even achievable. Now, with just 30.1 pounds away from technically meeting that goal...and with just 73 days between then and now...I honestly don't know what I'll weigh and I'm trying to accept that reality.

Fat chance of that happening!

Of course, if I use the rational part of my brain, I know that the reason for my slower weight loss has been the return of my monthly visitor. It's the reason I plateau every month. Still, for as many months as I've been working at this, nothing, not even rational thinking, seems to override the hormone-fueled emotional reaction to seeing my scale at a dead stop.

There is a double-edge sword to this ticking clock business. Knowing that my wedding is coming up helps to keep me more accountable. However, knowing that my wedding is coming up also stokes the wildfire of obsessive compulsion.

To say that I am completely fixated on my working out, calorie counting and weight loss is an understatement. Here are just a few examples of the thoughts constantly swirling around in my mind:

"How is my left arm going to look in pictures?" (There's this little fold in it that developed when I gained weight the last time - a fold I didn't have the last time I weighed what I do now - and I am completely terrified that it will never go away, no matter how much fat I lose and how much muscle I build underneath).

"Will I find a dress that fits me?" (I know I'll find one...but will I be a size 16, a 14, a 12? Will I have to wait until the very last minute to shop for a dress or will my body stop majorly shrinking at some point and just start toning and smoothing itself out? GAH!)

"Will I be able to wear a shorter cocktail dress or will my legs still look like tree trunks?"

"Will my double chin resurface and make me look like a cow in pictures?"

"Will everyone marvel at my weight loss at the wedding or will no one notice at all?"

"What in the hell will I look like in a bathing suit?"

"Will I feel confident enough to wear a bathing suit on our honeymoon or will I hide under a friggin cover-up the whole time?"

Yeah...and these are just the most common ones. Thank goodness we're having a small wedding that was easy to plan...cause if I had to toss a bridezilla on top of this weight-loss-zilla, I think I'd have to be on meds!

I know all of this is nuts. Totally nuts. I'm also incredibly proud of myself. I've lost 135 pounds! It's incredible! I also know I'll look great on my wedding day. I know I'll be the happiest woman in the world that day, too - I am marrying the love of my life, after all. But - I'll be so relieved when it's all over and I can go back to normal life...and only have the last however-many-pounds to obsess about!