I did it!

With just 3 days to spare, I hit my wedding goal weight loss of 150 pounds. Honestly, I kind of can't believe it. I even would have been happy with 149. What's not to be happy about with that sort of a loss. Still, 150 pounds is downright unfathomable to me right now...and, I only have 30 left to lose before I hit my final goal.

Un-be-freakin-lievable.

Oh, and I get married this week!!! Life is grand at the moment and I'm loving it.

14 Days And One Piddly Pound

I decided a few weeks ago (unofficially - seeing as I didn't share it with anyone but my mom) that I wanted to hit 150 pounds of weight loss by the wedding. Seeing as the wedding is two weeks from today and I've just hit 149 as of this morning...I think it's totally do-able! WOOHOO!

After that, it's just 30 pounds to go -- and there's no deadline on that -- it'll come. I know it.

In other news, I've experienced another major "shrink" over the past three weeks. Here are the numbers:

• Down another 1/4 inch in my upper arms (6 inches total loss)
• Shrunk a half inch in my chest (9.5 inches total loss)
• Burned another 1/4 inch in my chest (8.25 inches total loss)
• Lost another half inch in my saddle bags (13.75 inches total loss - clearly, I am a pear!)
• Obliterated a full inch from my belly (16.5 inches of total loss - holy shit!)
• Even lost another half inch in my thighs (14.5 inches of total loss)

The rest of my body is 'unchanged', but all told, I've lost 96.15 total inches since November 2009.

I predict my final stop with the tape measure will tally up somewhere around the 115-125 inch mark, cumulatively...but I am definitely in the homestretch...er, homeshrink!

Now, off to do some pilates/yoga with Ellen Barrett...or maybe some kettlebells.

I Love New York ... Again

When I left New York for a better and simpler life four years ago, I was fat (and I hadn't even gained my last 85 pounds yet), out of shape, a pack a day smoker and in complete denial about all of it.

To say I am a wholly different person today is an understatement...and how I feel when I'm there is too.

When I left, I was done being who I was. I blamed the city for getting me to that low, but it was me who allowed "the city" to take its toll. I allowed work to take precedence over my health. I allowed my laziness to supersede all else. I allowed myself to come last. I let my personal life fall to pieces. I did this.

There are as many lifestyle choices in New York as there are neighborhoods. I chose what I chose, the stereotypical television production behind-the-scenes slob approach, but I could have easily have chosen to do the whole vegan/Bikram/farmer's market/bike lane approach, too. I probably would choose some of that now...and it makes me wonder...not with an ounce of regret, mind you, but wonder...

This weekend, Gabe and I went down to the city for what we called his "Groom's Gift Weekend". We stayed in Midtown (for shame! I know, I know...but we got a great deal on a hotel and it was close to the 7 train) and went to a Mets/Yankees Subway Series game at Citi Field. We ate, we walked, we walked some more and we ate. It was glorious and fun -- and a little bittersweet.

I like New York when I'm feeling good. I wish I had more years there when I did. I wish I had spent less money getting myself fat and more on having fun. (Actually, I wish I'd saved more money...but who doesn't look back on their 20's and say that?) Walking from 40th and 5th to Columbus Circle, through the Park and back was easy and fun. Walking up and down countless subway steps didn't leave me huffing and puffing for breath. Walking every inch of Citi Field was awesome...especially after stopping over at Shake Shack and blowing my diet for the day. I felt alive and invigorated, clear-headed and open to the city like I had back in 2000 when I first moved there and lost a gaggle of weight.

Again, I have no regrets -- all roads I chose led me to where I am now and I am stronger, better and happier for it. Still, I do wonder what my life in New York could have been like had I not chosen Haagen Dasz over a NYSC membership, or a nightly 3-6 Stella Artois over a single Skinny Girl Margarita. There's no doing it over again and there's no use in going down that mental rabbit hole, but I am grateful to have had this past weekend to remind me in a very real way of how far I have come and how far I have to fall should I ever lose my way again.

There Will Always Be 'Fat Days'

Last week was another plateau weight-wise, although I did continue to lose inches and I ate right and exercised like my life depended on it.

However...

I accidentally - or absentmindedly - sabotaged myself by over-consuming a lot of extra wheat. I'm not completely allergic, but I am very sensitive and can only tolerate a nominal amount in my diet. Turns out, a cereal Gabe bought that was labeled as an 'oat' cereal also contained metric butt-tons of wheat. (Dumbass me didn't even bother to read the label - something I usually do!) Add to that the soy sauce I had with a few dinners and the Morningstar Farms Chik'n Patties I had with a few lunches (both of which are hidden wheat sources) and my internal ecosystem went kablooey! At first, I had no idea what had happened to me - and then, after a second day of it, I went all Perry Mason and was horrified at how blind I was to what I was actually eating. 

Ugh.

So, for about five straight days, I've been varying degrees of bloated, fatigued and bleh. Even though I haven't gained a single ounce - and have likely even lost weight once all of this excess water finds its way out of me - I feel so fat, so ugly, so out of shape and so gross. Oh, and it did a number on my skin too. Yay.  

What's really weird is that - even though I'm technically smaller - when I feel like this in my head, what I see in the mirror reflects more of what I'm feeling than actual reality. I'm looking at the same body, only I see a much fatter me. Every imperfection has a spotlight on it and I feel like total crap about myself. 

Fortunately, I have 143 pounds of loss to shore me up and I have been able to rationalize my brain out of the self-loathing vortex (for the most part). I also find that once I've worked out - so long as it's a good session - I feel a lot better psychologically and am less apt to look into the mirror with cellulite-colored glasses. 

I guess there will always be 'fat days', no matter how far down the scale I slide! At least I have plenty of experience in dealing with them and now, I have a closet full of considerably smaller clothing to remind me that it's all in my friggin' head. 

Another Day, Another Dress Exchange

As expected, I had to exchange my cocktail dress ... again. The 14W was just too big...and that's the smallest 'Plus Size' there is.

So, yesterday, I boldly went where my behind hasn't gone since the turn of the century -- to the regular size rack!

Yep, lucky for me, the dress I chose is available in both Plus and Regular sizes. Thank you Calvin Klein.

I figured I'd wind up in a 14 regular. Good enough for me to do the happy dance. Only, they didn't even HAVE a 14 regular. (I called ahead and the saleslady who said they did either lied or sold it to someone else - bitch.)

But they DID have a 12.

Ugh.

I was reluctant to even try it on. I mean, come on, I had purchased an 18 just a few weeks ago and that fit...still, it was my only choice. That, or find another dress entirely.

So, off to the dressing room I trudged.

I'm not going to lie and say it was a picnic to put on. I've still got some shrinking to do in order to make it look 'right' - but holy crap! It fit. I wasn't even wearing Spanx and it zipped all the way up in the back. Hell, I could even breathe in it.

Here's a pic of the original dress, followed by a pic of the regular  dress on a skinnier model. It's basically the same  - only it's much more fitted in the waist. I HAVE A WAIST!

...and I'm a size 12 bride! Well, I'm going to be!

Who'dathunkit?

I also exchanged the 16W Ralph Lauren cocktail dress I got as a backup/honeymoon outfit. Another 12. It's not the same dress, but it's similar, only it's VERY snug, VERY hot pink, V-E-R-Y form-fitting and not quite ready for prime time either...so, off to the gym I go. Elliptical, time to work your ass-shrinking magic!

I don't expect I'll be making any more exchanges and that's actually a big stress reliever for me too. There just aren't any decent seamstresses available at the height of wedding season. I want this dress to be done!

On a quick side note: I've all but banished the color black from my wardrobe. Anyone who knows me and anyone who's ever been supremely heavy will know how big of a milestone this is. I have one black tank top left, a black and white blouse and one black pair of slacks. Everything else is bright red, pink, green, orange, magenta, yellow. It's great to feel confident enough to stand out from the crowd!

My Waistline Is Wasting Away! (and so is everything else)

For shits and giggles, I decided to measure myself again this week. Jeez!

I'm down another 6 inches on top of the 5.8 pounds I've lost since 5/22.

That's insane!

I know those numbers won't continue - at least not at that crazy pace - for long, but damn! How crazy awesome is that?!?!

The only downside: my second wedding dress is getting too big, there aren't any decent seamstresses around here taking on more clients and I'm probably going to have to exchange it again or just find another dress closer to the day of.

Oh well. I really just don't care. It's a cocktail dress and at this rate, I'm going to look good in damn near anything. WOOHOO!

A Fish Called Shannon

When I was a kid, you'd practically have to pay to get me out of the pool. Even when I was a bit of a chunker. My parents called me a fish. We had a backyard pool for a good portion of my childhood and even after we moved, I spent weeks of my summer driving out to the lake, slathering on sunscreen and hanging out with friends. In college, I joined a local gym and swam there.

I took my last swim in the summer of 1999. I remember it clearly. I was at the gym ... a gym I was spending less and less time with since I had turned 21 and realized beer was a much more enjoyable pastime once it had become legal to consume ... the gym was crowded and I felt really self-conscious.

And I never went back.

Then, life got in the way. I moved to New York, got a really demanding series of jobs and then I got fatter and fatter and fatter.

There was no way in HELL I'd have ever gotten into a pool after that.

Until yesterday!! Our complex pool opened on Memorial Day and I woke up ready to swim. So, I put on my first bathing suit in 13 years and swam - first, for about 2 hours and then I went back again for another hour.

Talk about a non-scale victory! Only 38 pounds to go!

The First 140 ... The iMovie

It's been 19 pounds since the last one...and quite a lot has happened visually!  (It's like a puppeteer is pulling a string attached to my rump and an invisible man is pushing down on my tummy, LOL!)

Countdown To (Plus Size) Extinction!

When we were in Hilton Head this February, I decided that the outlet malls were the perfect solution to one of my biggest weight loss woes: the expense of constantly having to replace clothes.

So, in the spirit of wishful shrinking, I bought my last three pairs of plus size jeans at the Lane Bryant outlet. 20, 18 and 16. Lately, I've been afraid to try on that last pair...it seems I do every other week and I can't even get them over my hips. Then, earlier this week, with the dress and crop pants successes shoring me up...I thought, maybe...just maybe...

Today, I hit 140 pounds and decided I was emotionally ready to try them again (and even to fail -- I mean, I still have those size 16 crop pants and a size 14 dress to keep my psyche feeling warm and fuzzy).

Ta-Da!

From 28W to 14 - Shrunk In Half!

When I officially started this journey on 11/22/2009, I was uncomfortably wearing dress pants in a size 22/24...and I had completely stretched those damn pants out. My other pants featured the predictable elastic waistband. By the numbers, I was more of a 28W+.

Fast forward to yesterday...

Remember when I bought my dress last week and how excited I was to fit in the size 16? Yeah, well, I tried it on again on Monday and it was already getting baggy on me. I went back and forth on whether to try and exchange it for a 14 or to just have it altered...and I decided that since there's still 50+ days left until the wedding and nearly as many workouts a size 14 might even wind up being too big (of late, I've been working out between 90 and 120 minutes per day - elliptical, bike, kettlebells, pilates, yoga, walking, you name it - it's been awesome!). Better to start from there with a seamstress than from what will effectively look like a potato sack come July, right?

It was pretty fun to exchange it and explain the reason why. The store clerk was cute and said, "Well, if you keep on shrinking, we actually have this dress up on the 2nd floor in non-plus sizes too." She wasn't a skinny mini herself and smiled that knowing smile at me and winked. It was a nice moment between kindred spirits.

Riding on that high, I went over to the summer sale section and decided to try to squish myself into a size 16 crop pant. Um, holy crap. Not only did they fit, I could have easily squished myself into a 14. I mean, a dress I can understand -- especially this dress -- since it's fitted at the top (where I'm more of a 12/14) and flares out very forgivingly across the pear portions of my personage...but dude, I fit comfortably into tapered leg fitted khaki crops in a size 16. Needless to say, I bought them. (They were on sale, so F it!)

It's weird - but I feel like I'm shrinking exponentially faster now than I was before. I mean, I bought a dress last week and already had to exchange it. I only just shrank into a size 18 pant last month and now I'm on the edge of 14. My weight loss hasn't been as significant, but I'm losing inches left, right and center.

No matter how far down I get, I'm consistently amazed by how resilient and responsive my body continues to be. There's always this underlying current of worry that it'll eventually crap out on me ... but I've actually learned to listen to my body (and not just my kooky brain) and to give it what it needs. This is the change that overrides everything.

I got rid of high fructose corn crap. I went on Medifast and then stopped when it wasn't working for me anymore. I eat protein after my heavier workouts and feel wonderful for it. I went off of red meat for a while and recalibrated my system. I stopped drinking milk and severely limited dairy. I went full-on vegan for a while and even off of gluten and healed my digestive system - now I can actually tolerate being omnivorous again, within reason. I even weaned myself off of Zyrtec - which was pure but necessary hell.

This connectedness is hard to explain but it's really profound. I've learned to hear what my body wants and not just the carb-starved or emotionally ravenous demons in my brain. Not just to hear...but to really listen and respond. It sounds kooky, I'm sure, but knowing what I need and actually following through on it is something I have always struggled with, internally and externally. This isn't just an eating lesson I've learned - it's a life lesson.

Hit 139 pounds today. Here's to 140 and beyond!

5 Pounds & 5.5 Inches - Slow & Steady

It's been just shy of a month since the last time I measured every inch of my body...and in that time, I've lost 5 pounds and 5.5 inches...from my calves, my arms, my belly and three from my friggin saddlebags.

This is why I love my tape measure.

I also love my new scale. Over the past three weeks since I quit Medifast, my weight loss has predictably stalled -- but my fat loss has been steady and significant. According to the scale, which measures % body water, bone mass, fat and muscle...I'm down from nearly 45% body fat to just under 43% and my muscle mass has increased from 33% to nearly 36% -- IN JUST THREE WEEKS!

My goal is to be under 40% blubber by the wedding, and I think that's totally do-able with the workouts I've been doing lately. I have so much energy and love working out now like I haven't in years. It's great to view food as fuel again. That's one component missing from the Medifast diet (which, again, has a LOT of merit -- but it's nice to feel my body responding so favorably after I abruptly jumped off of the plan). I find that if I do a workout of about 45-60 minutes before 2pm, by around 4:30/5, I'm ready for a mile walk around the neighborhood or another round of yoga or pilates. In fact, I've been averaging about 60-90 minutes of cardio and/or strength training 6 days per week over these past three weeks. It's fantastic and I feel so accomplished.

I feel especially awesome after scrolling through some of my earlier posts -- posts where I talked about not wanting to work out, not being able to work out as hard as I used to and only being able to do 15 minutes on the bike...or only being fit enough to play with the Wii Fit...wow, was I out of shape!

It's great to look over my shoulder to see all that's behind me -- especially when I look in the mirror and still see those pesky 40+ pounds I have left to lose. I have a feeling they'll be some of the hardest fought pounds yet.

I've lost 138 pounds and 86 inches. Another 42 pounds? Totally doable.

My Perfect Wedding Dress ... Realized

So, I couldn't wait any longer. I just had to go wedding dress shopping!

I'm a non-traditional bride, sure...but I also have pretty conservative fashion taste. So, I already knew shopping for a wedding dress in this over-the-top era of 'My Super Sweet Sixteen' and 'Don't Be Tardy For The Wedding' would be a challenge. Hell, we had to buy my ring online just to get a simple, plain friggin band with a single stone in a Tiffany style setting.

Not surprisingly, our initial trip to the traditional bridal shop was a total bust.  My mom and I were gagging over the frilly cake topper dresses (and the outrageous prices)...and speaking of sizes, how evil are gown sizes?!?! I tried on a 17/18 and it didn't even go over my tatas. What. The. Fuuuu?

Anyway, after a much-needed pit-stop for sushi, my parents and I decided to take things down a notch and go in the opposite direction. So, off we went to Macy's to see what they had to offer.

Thank God we did. After all, my fiancee and I are having our wedding in a wine room at a local restaurant and our dinner is more like a dinner party/cocktail party. A cocktail dress seemed more in line with the occasion ... and with who I am as a bride.

I have to admit too, that my dream dress has always been a red one. My mom quickly put the kibosh on that idea when I let it slip to her a few months ago.

But then...we saw this dress. It's red. It's in that late 50's/early 60's Joan from 'Mad Men' style I have always L-O-V-E-D....it's by Calvin Klein...it's tea length...

All I can say is WOW! (I have a pic of me in it, but it's not going up on the web...you can see that when my photog snaps it in July.)

Oh, and it's 5 sizes smaller than my starting size AND it'll likely have to come down another size at the tailor's next month...which will land it at the size 14 goal I had set for myself back in January.

GAH!

I even convinced my mom -- actually, wait a minute, they were her idea -- to let me try on a pair of matching red patent leather peeptoe pumps.

This is my dream wedding ensemble...and it not only fits...it actually looks good! All I need is a spray tan and my fiancee and we'll be ready to get hitched.

I can't believe this is all happening!!! I'm a size 14/16 people!!! Holy crap!!!

Inches...Not Pounds

So, I might not have lost a single pound in over a week...but when I was getting ready to go out for a walk (my second workout of the day, btw...and the first involved 70 minutes of elliptical and bike hell)...I caught a look-see in the mirror and had to take a pic. Yahoo! Losing inches baby!

Taking The Training Wheels Off...Again

Last week, out of the blue, I decided I was done with Medifast.

It dawned on me that I had been on the plan for six months. SIX MONTHS! And, while it was an incredible -- and I mean incredible -- aid to my overall weight loss (I lost 69 pounds on the plan!)...I was starting to let it become a crutch and it was also beginning to undermine my intended path to wellness.

So, I'm taking the training wheels off of my diet again and going it alone -- for the rest of my life. Just 43 pounds to go! Sure, it'll take me a little longer to get there, but I know I'm doing what's right for me. 

When I started Medifast, I was just under 300 pounds and, while I was working out pretty regularly, I wasn't working out all that hard -- at least not in retrospect. Honestly, carrying that much weight, how could I have worked out that hard without blowing out my knees? Still, weigh as much as I did, it also didn't take nearly as much effort to burn a boatload of calories...since any effort required moving a hell of a lot more person to accomplish the feat.

When I've been fit in the past, I've always loved working out. Scratch that. Hated working out. Loved the feeling that came with it. That feeling always propelled me to work out an "extra five minutes" which occasionally turned into ten...and sometimes even became a second workout later in the day. 

Last week, that feeling came back to me...for the first time since 2001. The problem: I was on Medifast. 

See, on Medifast, you're quite literally fasting (hence the name). It's all very scientific and genius...you deprive your body of carbs/fuel in a very controlled and sneaky way and it's left to tap into the only source of energy it has available -- fat! The only downside is that it's quite a delicate balance, this trick you're playing on your body, and if you work out too much or too hard (they recommend 45 minutes tops/day), you could send your body reeling into starvation mode...and could harm yourself in the process, all without burning that wretched fat. Kind of defeats the purpose of working out, no?

Here's the crazy shit that was swirling around in my brain last week: "But...but...I want to work out. I want my muscles to be sleek and toned. I want that fat to burn off super fast, yes...but...I want to work out. I'm dying here on this couch. I need to..."

So, rather abruptly and kind of against the plan I had set out for myself leading up to the wedding...I quit Medifast cold turkey and went back to healthy eating...and I started working out longer and with a hell of a lot more effort. 

Now, here's the other reason M-fasters will think I'm insane: I quit without transitioning out of the plan. Medifast, and arguably rightly so, STRONGLY encourages clients to slowly transition out of the diet and into healthier eating. Here's why I skipped the transition: A.) I missed eating and cooking healthy foods; B.) I'd already been eating smaller, healthier meals before even going onto Medifast; something most Medifasters can't claim. Most Medifasters go right from their bad eating habits onto the plan. I had already lost 68 pounds completely on my own prior to starting the plan...so, I already have the tools I need to survive in the real eating world; C.) Medifast is f-ing expensive, y'all! 

Now it's off to work out! Here's my latest favorite: http://www.amazon.com/Power-Fusion-Ellen-Barrett/dp/B005OMN9E8

Impatient and Retaining Water

I'm down 135. I have just 45 to go. Oh, and it's just 73 days til my wedding.

I've already realized - and I really, really mean it - that I'm not going to make it to my goal weight by July 14th. I never started this whole journey with even the dream of a wedding at the end of it - my universe has just oddly aligned itself that way.

However, I would be lying if I said I wasn't desperate to be down under 200 pounds by then...and until the past few weeks of slowed losses, I thought that was even achievable. Now, with just 30.1 pounds away from technically meeting that goal...and with just 73 days between then and now...I honestly don't know what I'll weigh and I'm trying to accept that reality.

Fat chance of that happening!

Of course, if I use the rational part of my brain, I know that the reason for my slower weight loss has been the return of my monthly visitor. It's the reason I plateau every month. Still, for as many months as I've been working at this, nothing, not even rational thinking, seems to override the hormone-fueled emotional reaction to seeing my scale at a dead stop.

There is a double-edge sword to this ticking clock business. Knowing that my wedding is coming up helps to keep me more accountable. However, knowing that my wedding is coming up also stokes the wildfire of obsessive compulsion.

To say that I am completely fixated on my working out, calorie counting and weight loss is an understatement. Here are just a few examples of the thoughts constantly swirling around in my mind:

"How is my left arm going to look in pictures?" (There's this little fold in it that developed when I gained weight the last time - a fold I didn't have the last time I weighed what I do now - and I am completely terrified that it will never go away, no matter how much fat I lose and how much muscle I build underneath).

"Will I find a dress that fits me?" (I know I'll find one...but will I be a size 16, a 14, a 12? Will I have to wait until the very last minute to shop for a dress or will my body stop majorly shrinking at some point and just start toning and smoothing itself out? GAH!)

"Will I be able to wear a shorter cocktail dress or will my legs still look like tree trunks?"

"Will my double chin resurface and make me look like a cow in pictures?"

"Will everyone marvel at my weight loss at the wedding or will no one notice at all?"

"What in the hell will I look like in a bathing suit?"

"Will I feel confident enough to wear a bathing suit on our honeymoon or will I hide under a friggin cover-up the whole time?"

Yeah...and these are just the most common ones. Thank goodness we're having a small wedding that was easy to plan...cause if I had to toss a bridezilla on top of this weight-loss-zilla, I think I'd have to be on meds!

I know all of this is nuts. Totally nuts. I'm also incredibly proud of myself. I've lost 135 pounds! It's incredible! I also know I'll look great on my wedding day. I know I'll be the happiest woman in the world that day, too - I am marrying the love of my life, after all. But - I'll be so relieved when it's all over and I can go back to normal life...and only have the last however-many-pounds to obsess about!

Less than 50 to go!

I've had a LOT of far off friends ask for recent photos after the latest weight loss blitz. Problem is, my once tight leggings don't fit me anymore. They're just pj pants now. I'm also too cheap to go out and buy new ones just for the sake of photo taking. So, I've opted for a cami that's just about ready to go into the donation bin and a pair of jeans. This is me at 234.

131 down. Just 49 to go!

In other news, my losses have convinced my mom to give Medifast another go. She's going to do the program the way the docs recommend with little to no activity. After just a few days she's already down three pounds. I hope she can stick with it - it's not easy - especially for a food addict like the two of us!

I've modified the plan to suit my lifestyle a bit, however. I just like the feeling of accomplishment that comes from working out (too much) and can't cut it out of my life partially, much less altogether. (To be fair, they do suggest you exercise at least a little bit when you're settled into the program - but walking for 20-30 minutes is not a workout to me!)

So, I've upped my protein intake a bit by way of some extra cheese and lean meat in order to protect my muscles from depletion without messing with the low carb formula Medifast relies on. I also allow myself the occasional "cheats" and haven't seen any halt in my progress (for example, last week I ate an Indian meal of Tandoori Chicken with about a quarter cup of rice and a serving of whole wheat roti; yes, I know that sounds so like the polar opposite of a "cheat", but remember, I'm working to stay uber loooooow carb here! Rice is completely forbidden on MF!) Regardless of my naughtiness, lately I've been moving down the scale at a pace of 10-15 pounds per month!

Could my losses be greater if I never ate extra carbs here and there? Probably. Would I be at risk of being committed to a mental health facility if I never cheated periodically? Probably.  You bet your ass I would!

I attribute much of my losses to Medifast, and the ketosis and calorie deficit the program creates. However, to say that my 5-6x/week workouts have nothing to do with it would be nonsense. Actually, I think the fact that I do work out so religiously has helped to keep my "cheats" from costing me precious pounds. Lately, it's been kettlebells 1x, pilates/yoga 2/x and 30 on the elliptical and 15 on the bike 2-3x. Adding the elliptical and kettlebells into the mix this past month has really ramped up the visible muscle tone in my arms and legs...but you won't be seeing my gams for at least a few more months! Still have some flab to attend to.

Can't wait til those hips are more proportional to the rest of me and my tummy is gone. I can see the end in sight!!

By the way, if you're looking for a tough but fun workout - give this kettlebell bootcamp a try. The host takes a bit of getting used to, but the program is broken into sets, so you can skip some, do others you like twice, etc. It's a great starter to kettlebells - and boy, will your legs burn!

102 Days Til The Wedding...103 Til A Bathing Suit

I'm down 126 pounds now. Back into the 230's...for the first time since...2002? I'm also of the belief that I am now a 'reasonably overweight' person for my frame as opposed to a just plain obese lady.

Now, I'm still obese by definition, but having been every number between 365 on down and knowing what I know about my body, how I look and how others react to me now...I'm really just overweight at this point. I'll never be what's considered normal for my height - around 135. I haven't weighed that since I was in like 6th grade. Even when I was at my absolute skinniest I was in the 150s and couldn't sustain the weight without working out at least 60 minutes per day and eating less than 1000 calories. My body just isn't built the way the charts and graphs decree it needs to be.

Personally, I think that somewhere between 165-185 is going to be my sweet spot. I'll know it when I get there. For now, my goal is to hit 185 ... preferably before my wedding ... but that's 54 pounds and the wedding is 102 days away.

Lately, I've been resigning myself to the fact that this number is completely unrealistic. Actually, 'resigning' is the wrong word. I've accepted it. If I've learned nothing over the past 126 pounds, it's that my body is in control as opposed to my wild and often unreasonable expectations.

So, my new goal: to weigh less than 200 pounds by the wedding. I don't care if it's 199.9...just to sink below that silly, and frankly, meaningless number will mean so much to me. (Yes, I realize the absurdity of that last sentence, but it's the truth!)

My other goal: to look reasonably good in a bathing suit by then. We're going to an amazing all-inclusive north of Cancun for our honeymoon and there are pools and beaches everywhere! I can't wait to swim again. It hasn't been since college that I've worn a bathing suit. I'm not sure which would be more of an achievement for me - losing a person and a half's worth or weight or wearing a bathing suit with confidence.

When I said this to a friend the other day, she immediately asked, aren't you as concerned about looking good in your wedding dress? My immediate response, without even skipping a beat, was NO! No matter how form-fitting the dress winds up being, I'll A.) still be more covered up than I would be in a bathing suit, and B.) will have Spanx under there smoothing, pushing, smooshing and holding everything in place. I might not be able to breathe, but I'll look fan-freakin-tastic.

My midsection is just about bathing suit ready. My arms are almost there too. My ankles and calves don't have too far to go...nor do my inner thighs. However, my rear end and my upper legs in general are as flabby as can be. No matter how much I lose or how hard I work out, those areas may shrink, but it seems like they're just revealing newer, flabbier unsightlyness underneath. Ugh.

I know I'll get there ... especially now that I've pulled kettlebells into the workout rotation and have really ramped up the elliptical training too. Things are quickly tightening up ... but the question remains: will I be bathing suit ready by mid-July?

You bet I will be!

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling!

My name is Shannon. Clearly, I'm Irish. Fortunately, the luck of my people - you know, the luck that inflicted potato famines, starvation, religious persecution and religious terrorism - rubbed off on me today in a decidedly good way.

I'm down 125 pounds. That means I only have 55 left to lose before I hit my goal weight. It also means I only have 41 left to lose before I'm back in the 100's again.

Woohoo!

Just can't eat any potatoes or drink any green beer like the rest of the amateurs...but I can wear a form-fitting green top and a smaller pair of jeans to my fiancee's band's show tonight.

These Irish Eyes are Smiling!

Weight Loss: The iMovie - From 365 to 244

You'd never know I was a television producer in a past life, seeing as I created this little ditty in iMovie...but for the purposes of showing my transformation thus far in as quick and painless a way as possible, here ya go.

Maybe I'll do the last transformation montage in Final Cut...full with R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" as a music bed.

Um, no.

If A Camera Adds 10 Pounds, Then Damn! I'm Looking Good!

I realized today that it's been a long time since I'd taken a progress photo. 18 pounds, in fact. It's something I often dread. In fact, photos in general have been something I've worked very hard to avoid being the subject of over these past ... oh, I dunno ... ten years?

It's getting less painful to see myself in a photo. Of course, I'd look even better in these had I bothered to put on makeup, a bra or waited for my hair to dry but, what the hell. You've seen me look far worse. Just scroll down! I also apologize for wearing all black - but I have precious little left in my wardrobe that's form-fitting. My old white tank that I used to wear in the photos is all kinds of stretched out, so I opted for a cami. That way, I can keep tabs on my arms as they shrink too. Even these black leggings are starting to get bulky on me - so I had to take a pic with me in them freshly shrunk out of the wash.

It's strange, but I'm actually really starting to look forward to having my picture taken at our wedding in July. I know I look good and I know I will look great - and that selfish and completely conceited side of me wants ample photographic proof. Is there any better "after" picture than one taken on the happiest and most glamorous day of your life?

I don't know what you see in terms of progress, but I'll tell you what I see. First, my bangs are finally the length I want and my hairstyle is more versatile, LOL! Second, my arms are definitely getting more toned thanks to all of the major strength training I've been doing. My butt is where it's supposed to be for a woman my age. Instead of being behind my knees, it's up on level with my hips. It's also considerably smaller. My saddlebags are smoothing out. Instead of two sets of hips, I seem to only have one that begins at my waist and curves down around the sides of my legs. Used to be, I had the spare tire set of hips and the saddlebags set. The backs of my thighs are starting to protrude less and look more sleek. My calves are smaller. I still have sasquatch feet, but hey, what can ya do? Finally, my belly is shrinking. It used to bulge forward about as far as my rear end did backwards. Now, it's just a little pooch that I can continue to tone down. I also have a waist!

Wow. It feels really good to have written that list. It's honest, real and a true accomplishment. I'm going to go pat myself on the back now - cause, for the first time in ages, I can actually reach. ;-)

121...59 to go!

Last week, we went on a much-MUUUUUCH needed vacation. Between Gabe's father passing away and the sadness and stress that comes after it, plus the stress of planning a wedding, a honeymoon, budgeting for it, ups and downs at work and some health and dental issues...dude, it was either Hilton Head or The Cuckoo's Nest.

In the weeks preceding, I flip-flopped quite a bit on whether or not to stay on my diet religiously while on vacation. That quickly flew out of the window after the first day of our drive. I was so tired and so flipping hungry that I splurged at Perkins for a burger with no bun and a side salad. FOR SHAME! I'm such a rebel.

Of course, I then proceeded to splurge a bit more and veer off of the low carb path quite a bit...lots of sushi rice, lots of pasta and booze, lots and lots of yummy goodness. That said, if I were who I was just a few years ago, very little of what I ate would have impressed me in the least, at least not in terms of its indulgence factor. Lots of salads, lean meats and veggies and reasonable portions, even. Still, it wasn't the diet of someone trying to lose weight.

I figured if I worked out, kept to a reasonable diet for a normal person and worked out some more, the worst thing that would happen is that I'd gain a bit of water weight without sacrificing any muscle tone. So, I spent a lot of time at the vacation club's gym and did some of my yoga/pilates workouts in our condo...we even rented bikes, but got so busy that we hardly even used them. Next year, we'll bike more. Hilton Head has over 50 miles of bike paths - it's really quite amazing.

Well praise the weight loss gods, it worked! I gained about 8-10 pounds (depending on what scale I'm going by) while on vacay...and that's as of Sunday morning. Today, I'm down that 8 and another 4.5. That's 121 pounds total now. So, it was all water weight (which I kept telling myself over and over on Sunday so as not to have a panic attack.) Guess I really shocked my metabolism good!

Here's hoping that this is the start of my final push to my wedding body. Just 59 pounds to go!

117...Reconsidering my goals

So, first off, holy crap! I'm down 117! I'm back in the 240's again and am down in the teens as far as sizes. Top half is further into the teens than the rest of me, but woohoo! I'm outta the 20's officially.

My original goal was to be at 185 at the end of this journey. That's 63 pounds from now. Totally do-able in my guesstimation, but as I continue to shrink, I wonder if it's a number I should be striving for. Personally, I think I look my best as a size 10-12. Anything lower than that and I start to look like a stick figure. I'm not built to be small. I'm also not built to be the size I am now, so don't misconstrue this line of reasoning as my giving up on being more svelte. That's the thing though, I just want to be svelte, not skinny.

I've lost weight different ways and have looked fantastic at 220, 155 and 185. This time though, I've really added a lot of muscle mass throughout my body and I'm curious to see what 220 looks like this go-round. Hell, I'm curious to see what 230 looks like. If I don't have anything flabby hanging off of me, I'm wondering if I might want to hold at 210-220.

Is it just that "2" in front of my weight that's bugging me? I haven't been without it for over a decade and I would sure as hell not mind to see it go. That said, if I look great and that number is still there...does it really matter? If I'm healthy, does it matter?

If I'm a size 10-12...seriously, does it matter?

We'll see!

Measuring Success: Inch By Inch

This morning, I decided to measure myself again. I'm trying to do it every few weeks now, since the toning work I'm doing is really starting to take effect. It also helps to take the edge off of some occasionally disappointing numbers on the scale. I don't think I'll ever be able to shake the unrealistic expectations I have for my weight loss.

So far, I've lost:

• 1.5" from my neck
• 5"from my upper arms
• 2" from my forearms
• 7" from my chest
• 5" from my bust
• 7.25" from my waist
• 9.5" from my saddlebags
• 11" from my belly
• 12.5" from my upper legs
• 6" from my knees
• 2" from my calves

That's 68.75 total inches lost across my body. 6 of those inches were lost last month alone! 

I think it's realistic to think I'm going to look damn good at my wedding in July! Just need to stay in the fight for a few more months...and spend the rest of my life maintaining. 

I. Can. Do. This!

112 Down. Just 68 To Go

The plateau is definitely behind me. This whole strength training and cardio mix thing has something to it ... um, duh. So, why was I so resistant? I hate strength training more than I hate cardio! That being said, I like the shape my body is taking thanks to the targeted weight and resistance training...so, I'm learning to hate it less.

I've only got 68 pounds left to lose. Yeah, "only"...but when you consider how few that is compared to what I've already lost, it's totally do-able. 

And, thanks to hard work, dedication, medifast and a wedding and beach honeymoon looming over my head just 5 months from now, I've managed to lose more than 30 pounds in the past two and a half months. Basically, I'm losing about 3.333 pounds on average every week. Funny. That was both my high school and college GPA. 

It's a quick post because I have to work out now. Thankfully, it's just cardio today! Yeah, "just"...but I thought I should check in. 

108...Shopping For A Wedding Dress Without A Body

So, I'm getting married in July. Very excited about that. Only problem: I can't shop for a dress. Sure, I can window shop (online) and get ideas...but with so much weight left to lose and no real idea of how cooperative my body will be between now and July...I'm left with only one option: be patient.

HA! That's hilarious. Me? Patient?

But what choice do I have?

Of course, the fact that it's not a big wedding and is more of a cocktail party is a big help. I'm getting a dress, not a gown. That means I can head over to a department store or get one of J.Crew's absolutely gorgeous casual, beachy dresses.

By my best guesstimate, I'll probably lose at least another 50 pounds by then -- at least I aim to. That said, I might lose even more. The weight has really been coming off lately - due in great part to Medifast but also because of the more efficient and targeted workouts. With better fitness comes the ability to challenge myself more and to sculpt and tone. I'm really seeing the results of that work - both in the mirror and on the scale. Then there's the fact that my body and my weight aren't necessarily in sync. At the weight I am now, the last time I saw it (on the way up), I was two sizes bigger on top and one size bigger on the bottom. So, let's say I only lose 30 pounds between now and July - as unlikely as that is - I might be three sizes or even four sizes smaller just because of my muscle density and tone.

Yeesh!

So, here I am, doing my best to be patient.  I figure I won't be able to buy a dress any earlier than the first part of June...and even then, I plan to still be shrinking. So, hopefully my tatas will have stopped shriveling up by then and I can at least get away with an Empire Waist dress. 

103...Abs and Arms: You're On Notice!

It's still odd for me to conceptualize any number over 99. The 3 digits 1-0-0 were something I had always hoped I'd see in terms of weight loss, but, if I'm being totally honest with myself, I'm not entirely certain it's a milestone I completely and wholeheartedly believed I had the ability to achieve. Yet, here I sit at 103 pounds lost (as of last night). Now my goal of losing a full 180-185 doesn't seem nearly as impossible or far off. In fact, I think that I might just make it there by the time I get married in July.

Here's the latest round of pics.

Ooops! Now, how did THAT get in there?

The difference over the past few weeks has really been in my abdominal region and in my arms. I've gotten a lot more aggressive there.

On top of the bike, which I do at about 16-18 mph for 30-35 minutes 3-4x per week plus a ten minute hand weight routine, I'm also still doing my full body 40 minute pilates workout at least 2x per week.

Then, I've just added a customized stability ball and resistance band workout to the arm, arse and ab toning regimen. The ball/band routine is still a work in progress, but here are the highlights:

I've combined the Biggest Loser Stability Ball Workout (if you're interested, it came with this product: http://www.amazon.com/Biggest-Loser-Advantage-Stability-Orange/dp/B001JIV6A0)

...with a core routine courtesy of Real Simple (http://www.realsimple.com/health/fitness-exercise/workouts/stronger-abs-in-fifteen-minutes-00000000022852/index.html)

...plus another resistance band routine, also courtesy of Real Simple (http://www.realsimple.com/health/fitness-exercise/workouts/resistance-band-exercises-00100000067997/index.html)

I've cut the overlapping exercises, making it about a 25-30 minute strength training blast. It's a nice change from what I've been doing and a hell of a challenge. Did this on Friday and am still sore on Sunday. That "Monkey" exercise in the last RS workout is a hell of a killer.

Anyway, I think I've ramped things up in the exercise department just enough to hold me for at least another month. I've built in a good amount of variety and challenges to keep me interested as well. I really want to see my abs and arms take shape, so it feels good to start targeting them more directly. The rest of me is kind of falling (or raising) into place pretty naturally.

As for the diet, Medifast is shockingly easy for me to stick with. It's been weird to move back to being a carnivore...but I'm still steering pretty clear of red meat (minus the roast beef yesterday). That said, I feel a lot of energy, I see a lot of progress and, while it's friggin expensive as all hell, I also see it as a worthy investment in my future. I'm actually really glad that I started it when I did, since it does put me on a path to be pretty slim (if not at my goal weight) by mid-July. I had no idea we'd be getting hitched back when I hopped on the train in November, but things do often have a mysterious way of working out.

Onward and downward!

A New Reason To Lose

So, this holiday season was a big shitstorm, with one MAJOR exception: I got engaged!

Oh, and the wedding is July 14th. No, not 2013...this July! So, now I have a whole new motivation to keep me on the wagon: wedding photos.

I did hit 100 pounds of weight loss before the end of 2011, by the way. Of course, that was because I was helping to plan and execute a memorial service and dealing with a tragedy, but hell, it was a silver lining to the madness. Unfortunately, the minute I started eating again - about 5 pounds came back. Still, I don't care - I met my goal at one point in the year and I'll take it, technicality or no.

It Fits!

So, I have this dress. I've always loved it. Long, black, slinky...and I've had it for years. The thing has lasted long past what any dress should, especially one that's been worn so often. Still, it's in great shape and no matter how big I got, I always hoped I'd shrink back into it.

Today it happened!!

Sure, I had to put on a Spanx slip to make it hug my curves just right but damn it, it fits! I was actually really hoping to be able to wear it out on New Years Eve...and damn it, I think I just might!

Pardon the absence of makeup, a decent hairstyle, baubles or shoes...and the blurry photo, but here it is!

I'm so friggin happy...oh! and I fit into a pair of new/old jeans today. Down another size!

Yippee!!

What The Huh?

So, I hit 92 pounds lost today. I mean, sure, I was expecting 90 maybe...but 92?!?! Holy crapola!

...is it reasonable to think I might just his 100 by NYE?

Shrinking Waist Deep

It's odd to watch weight loss happen, sometimes. You can target an area for what seems like an eternity, only to watch other parts shrink. (Let's take the breasts, for example - I don't think I would have minded if I had kept at least one of the three extra cup sizes I had gained over the past few years.)

Then, out of the blue, and at just the point you're about to give up - the body part you have been targeting, nay, abusing - FINALLY gets its act together.

So, now, after months of crazy core work - pilates, yoga and straight up sit-ups, I'm finally seeing my abs take on a shape that doesn't look like I had an inner tube surgically implanted around my mid-section.

I still have a long way to go yet, but man, to not bulge over my pants is a great thing. AND, I wasn't even flowing over my waistband because they were too tight, either. My "abs" were just THAT flabby! Not anymore.

Check out the waist shrinkage!

Oh, and I hit 88.5 pounds lost today. A pretty remarkable feat since I had fried green tomatoes last night at dinner...and a salad with a mound of BBQ pork on top. Thank goodness I put in 40 minutes on the bike to make room for that deliciousness! Back to reality today...though, I do predict a bit of sushi in my future. 

99 Problems (but it sure beats 100)

Today, (well - yesterday, really - but I'm blogging about it today) I hit 86 pounds of weight loss.

For those of you keeping score, that means I only have 99 pounds left to lose. Now, I know the word "only" is pretty laughable -- but, for me, the fact that I no longer have over 100 pounds to go is as much a psychological achievement as it is a physical one.

The past few pounds have really started to show in my ab region -- and thank friggin' bejeebus, because I have been doing so much targeted core work, it's almost absurd. Between pilates 2-3x/week, my 2-3x/week on the bike (which also works the abs and lower back) and my general mat ab work that I try to do an additional 1x/week, it's about damn time that my spare tire shrink from SUV size to something you'd maybe find on a Smart Car.

Maybe you can see the change too -- here are the latest pics.

Ocho Cinco

Not going to write a long post today, but I did hit a major milestone: 85!

I officially weigh just under what I did when I left NYC for Upstate NY. I'm fitting back into a whole bunch of clothes I thankfully never tossed out from that era and I've had to draw the strings on my lounging around the house/work-from-home uniform once again. (Glad I'm a packrat or else this process would be infinitely more expensive).

On to weighing what I did when I arrived in NYC. ...and THEN! What I weighed when I arrived at college.

Still Shrinking

As you can see from the sidebar from MyFitnessPal over there on the left, I'm still shrinking away. 83 pounds now. Pretty certain that unless I have a leg amputated between now and 12/31, my unrealistic goal of 100 pounds lost in 2011 isn't going to happen - but 90 would make me crazy happy...and I'm pretty sure I can do it!

Medifast is easier than I thought. For as much as I'm paying for it, it damn well better be, right? I've lost 15 pounds on the plan since I started on November 4th. That's pretty friggin remarkable, if you ask me. It definitely knocked me off of the plateau I had been on (I was losing less than a pound a week - which wouldn't be an awful thing if I didn't have so much left to lose).

I've been working out at about 85% of what I had been doing before -- since my calories are so reduced, I don't want to go into starvation mode. Honestly, for as much as I really don't enjoy working out - it's been a nice reprieve. Plus, it's what I'm supposed to be doing, so I can't feel the least bit guilty either.

Giving up alcohol is also not nearly as tough as I thought it would be. On the plan, you just can't drink. It makes sense, since booze are so carbolicious and the calories are empty. I go out a LOT since I manage my boyfriend's band - every weekend on average. Plus, we usually get free drinks at the gigs. It's a lot of temptation to live down - or so I thought. That being said, on New Year's Eve, I'm having a few beverages. I'll have to be careful though, since my tolerance just isn't what it used to be.

The Half Pound That Changes Everything

Today, I surpassed 75 pounds of weight loss...by a half a pound. Now, 75.5 pounds is accomplishment enough, but that it signifies the single largest amount of weight I've ever lost in one diet/lifestyle change/unified attempt...that half a pound means everything.

next stop: saddlebags!

289.5...and more revealing pants. 

I now enter new and unchartered territory. Each new pound lost signifies a new accomplishment that I have never achieved. That's not to say the last 75 haven't been gratifying - but there's something about doing better than you've ever done before that really tickles the psyche. 

I am not going to allow the fact that this hurdle was overcome thanks to the help of Medifast - something I started on Friday - take away from this achievement. I lost those first 74 fair and square.  I learned the lessons. I changed my habits, my attitude and my body. Frankly, I just don't want to spend the next 2 years losing what's left to be lost. I'm ready to start living the rest of my life now -- I know I'm ready! So, hopefully Medifast will push things along. 

I thought about Medifast throughout the past two years and could never bring myself to do it. I wasn't ready to give up alcohol. I didn't want to give up my snacks (even the healthy ones). I didn't want to surrender the bits of pieces of control and, honestly, the cheating (however small those cheats were). I wasn't ready to accept my food addiction - not completely. Now I am. And, because I have so many fewer hangups about food/control over food (and food's control over me), I'm ready for Medifast. The plan meals actually taste good and I still get to cook one healthy meal every day. I feel fueled and satisfied. I feel my new attitude about food as fuel taking a solid hold in my mind. 

Here's to the next 75!

Photographic Memory

They say a picture is worth a thousand words...

365 pounds. November 2009.

 325 pounds. October 2010.

 

 306 pounds. June 2011.

291 pounds. Today.

Bring on tomorrow!  ...and I vow to wear makeup in the final after. LOL!

So Long, Front Butt!

First off, sorry it's been over a month since my last post. For some reason, I just haven't been compelled to write about weight loss all that much. I'm motivated, feeling good, seeing results (at least in the mirror - not that much on the scale) and I guess when I'm either not seeing huge milestones come and go or when I'm not feeling extremely angry and frustrated...I have precious little to say.

Still, today featured a nice little moment for me. You see, I'm one of the bazillion fat chicks in American suffering from front butt. If you don't know what front butt is, you probably don't have one. According to the Urban Dictionary, front butt is defined as:

"(noun) An enormous, fatty enlargment of the abdomen, genital, and thigh region that morphs together to create the appearance of a bulbous ass on a persons front."

And that's the cleanest definition I could find.

Well, I'm happy to report that after 1,276,836 situps, crunches, ab twists and who the hell knows what else, my front butt is less Kardashian and more Li-Lo. It's not gone yet, but thanks to rigorous pilates style ab workouts, it's well on its way.

By the way, speaking of ab workouts - if you're a Time Warner Cable subscriber (and, this is about the only perk of the service), check out their free workouts on demand. Just go to sports on demand and select fitness...and there they are. My current self-abuse of choice is the Pilates Abs workout. 10 minutes of pure hell...but totally worth it! Here's a link to a preview - don't pay for them here - get them for free from your cable box!

http://www.exercisetv.tv/store/p-1646-pilates-abs.aspx

300

Today, I finally said goodbye to a number that I only really started to come to terms with in the past few months. When this whole journey started last winter, I weighed in at an astonishing 365 pounds. 

No, really. 

In fact, I was under the mistaken impression that I weighed considerably less than that for a long time...at least for four to five months after my old scale read E (which is scale code for get the %$&* off of me you heifer!!). This was until I finally sprang for a pricier scale that was able to hold up to 400 pounds of fat-ass. God, I will never forget THAT day. That truth spiraled me into a few months-long depression - and rightly so. I was killing myself unconsciously - and waking up to a fact so terrifying and humiliating is really tough to do. 

Today is another day I'll never forget. I had actually expected to be up a pound or two this morning, but, as is true of the best gifts, this one was a total surprise.

Oh, how I cried! My boyfriend must REALLY think I'm nutzo now. Who celebrates 298 pounds? LOL!

I do, damn it. It has been SUCH a battle to get past 300. And, let me tell you, when you weigh over 300 pounds, every meal you eat also eats away at your soul. When I was at my heaviest and even when I was just on a plateau and worried I'd never see a 2 at the front of my weight ever EVER again, often whenever I'd eat anything, even something good and nourishing, I felt like I was just prolonging my time in purgatory. 

posted without Warner Bros' ok 

And, while I don't have Hottie McManmeat's chiseled abs just yet (not that I ever will), the fight within me has definitely been stoked and I am beyond ready to take the next 100 down! 

So long 300. Bring on the 2's!

Better Living Through Chemistry? Not So Much.

I'm a big fan of life-saving chemical/medical compounds. BIG FAN. Chemo and Nitroglycerin saved my dad's life. Albuterol has certainly helped my mom.  I can't even begin to think of what life would be like without bacteria-blasting bleach. So, yeah, I'm not going after the chemical industry completely...however...

Last summer, I was on year 4 or 5 of taking Zyrtec for my year-round allergies - from dust and mold to tree and grass pollen, I'm definitely a allergen sensitive type. Then, I started reading about how it suppresses your metabolism over time and can do a number on your liver. So, I stopped taking it.

About a week later, I broke out in hives and experienced the worst itching on my legs and feet that I have ever, EVER experienced! I took a few Claritins here and there to try and quell the reaction as I weaned my body off of the stuff and I vowed to never take that shit again.

Then, this spring happened - probably the worst allergy season I can remember. I had to take SOMETHING. So, I went to the Claritin because it was the only thing that worked for me that was affordable in a low (10mg) dose. I've been on the stuff since March - until yesterday.

I had long suspected that my thyroid was suppressed somehow - but, since a slightly underperforming thyroid is something that's pretty common in my family, especially on my mother's side - I wasn't all that alarmed. I just have to eat less and work out more than someone else my size in order to see results. Whatever. Everyone has their burden to bear.

Still, I have been eating so clean and working out so hard over these past few months - it all just made me uber suspicious that there was more to this than just a mere genetic abnormality. So, I did a bit more digging on the subject - beyond the literature that comes with my Claritin/Loratadine...

Shock. Awe. Not so much. Guess what long-term use of this OTC med does to you? (Long-term use that's strongly encouraged, I might add...) It has the potential to suppress and slowly deplete your friggin thyroid. Well, that's the supposition in the blogosphere, anyway...and, considering that some of the literature actually cautions you not to use it if you have thyroid disorders (mine is too low to be diagnosed as yet - at least it WAS)...it's not exactly surprising that so many are reporting thyroid issues after long-term use.

Now, there's no proof to this - not from the makers of Claritin or the patent-holders at Schering-Plough...at least none that's been released...but I'm not taking any more chances. My thyroid is already at a disadvantage -- so, I don't need to tempt fate any further. Plus, with all of the undeclared chemicals and additives they put in this crap, who knows what else it's doing to my body.

So, now I switch to an as-needed approach to drug-taking. Going to try and supplement with the Neti-pot for a while and see how that goes...it's all a bit scary, since I can have severe hay fever...but, I'm going to try it.

I can't even put into words the frustration I feel...and the cynicism that's steadily creeping in with each and every new revelation I'm having about just how unhealthy it is to live the life of an average American.

Like I said at the top, I'm a big fan of chemistry. It can and does save lives each and every day. On the other hand, is it too much to ask to be allowed to make an informed decision about the chemicals I willingly put into my body?  With the exception of potentially life-saving meds for cancer, AIDS, etc, could the long-term use drugs for relatively benign disorders (ie: allergies) undergo longer clinical trials and can those results be easier to find and understand?

Not to stick my political neck out too far here, but where's the damn government keeping an eye on the capitalists? I can't fault a pharma company on wanting to get their drugs approved and on the market, but if it's too easy and there's no accountability once a drug is FDA approved, aren't we allowing the industry and government to play Russian roulette with our health?

Ugh. I could go on...but I'm exhausted by the anger. Getting down off of the soap-box now. I have to go waterboard myself with a Neti Pot anyway...

Beat The Meat

Meat is mean to me. It needs to be beaten out of me every time I eat it...and I'm not even talking about red meat. I'm still abstaining from that garbage and have been since February. I'm talking about turkey and chicken.

I made a batch of my a-a-a-a-a-a-amazeballs turkey burgers on Sunday, and, since my boyfriend has been away for dinner the past few nights, I've actually eaten most of them myself as leftovers. Besides that, there's absolutely no explaining why I felt headachy, tired, miserable, emotional and lethargic, bloated and constipated this morning.

I've been working out like a champ - a mix of pilates and cardio. I've been eating lots of fruits and veggies and no dairy, HFCS, etc - as I have been for months now. I even slept in an hour today. I've been doing everything same as usual - except for the three straight days of meat as opposed to 6 days veg, 1 day sushi or lean turkey/chicken schedule. And, boy, how that effed up my insides!!

Fortunately, a second cup of coffee *ahem* moved things along and I feel much better now, but I'm certainly not at 100%.

It's kind of remarkable to think that this is how I used to live each and every day - and how it was so routine that I accepted it as a WAY TO LIVE.

I'll never go back. I may have the occasional meaty meal, but every time I do, I'll be doing it knowing full well that there will be consequences.

I've definitely beaten my meat addiction -- and the idea that there should be a lean animal protein in at least one meal a day! Take that National Cattleman's Beef Association. SUE ME! (Seriously, go ahead...it's not like I have any assets to speak of anyway!)

Not Much To Say

The Vegan thing...yeeeeah, not so much. I think 6 out of 7 days is a pretty decent goal - and manageable. On the 7th day, however, I need sushi. Period.

Down 61 pounds on this slow and frustrating path to weight loss and healthy living. The workouts are definitely harder this week than last as well. Still, I'm soldiering on. About to go and do some pilates after finishing this brief update.

Have a wedding to go to this weekend. Fortunately, it's more of a cocktail party/hippie wedding...and I don't expect many diet-killing grenades to be tossed in my direction. The road trip to New Hampshire, however...that could prove challenging. Oh well. Have to figure out a way to travel and eat healthier sometime, right?

Oh yeah, and it's one hundred bajillion degrees outside. Thank God I have a home gym setup or else, I'd have to do some DIY bikram on the back porch and risk heat stroke.

Hope you're all doing well and, if you're in the 2/3 of the country currently boiling, stay hydrated and take care of yourselves!!! Here's to our crumbling power grid hanging on by a thread over the next few days...

Go Vegan Or Go...Pescatarian? Maybe?

So, I've been flirting with veganism lately as some of you know. It's getting pretty tough to deny how well my body reacts to it - especially when I re-introduce meat or dairy into the mix and my skin, tummy and mind all go kerfluffy. I've been doing a lot of reading up on the whole agri-economy in our country too...from reading In Defense of Food to watching Food Inc. (I started watching it again today after a few months and had to stop - it just makes me so, soooo angry). Knowing about all of the antibiotics, hormones, pesticides and other chemicals that go into making EVERYTHING makes me sick - literally and figuratively.

And, last night, I watched this low-budg propaganda piece, er, documentary on Netflix about Veganism. This is a snippet:

Is it just me, or does all of this make a lot of sense?

Are we poisoning ourselves by going against our constitutions and inhaling animal byproducts? And dude, is this whole animal protein thing a total scam? What the fuuuuu?

I don't know up from down after reading and watching all of this...but I am seriously considering leaving beef and pork and poultry and cheese and dairy and ... ugh, fish? Can I leave fish behind?

It's funny - I've also been reading up on pescatarianism. Boy, do the veggies get bent out of shape over that! I guess to be classified as a true veg, you have to get into this for the 'right reasons' - the 'humane reasons'...you know, because you're pissed that Bessy the Cow has to stand in her own feces for every minute of her life up until the last merciful moment when her head gets lopped off. I mean, sure, that really sucks...and the way we treat most of the animals we eat is downright sociopathic...but am I less of a vegetarian because I'm getting into this to preserve my own life and health?

Apparently, so.

And, since I'm admitting to being incredibly selfish and uncaring about any other living creature on the food chain besides myself, I'm also going to admit that I really - and I mean REALLY - don't want to give up on fish. Sushi, to be more specific.  I mean, if I cut down on the hormones, mercury, milk that's completely indigestible and other cholesterol-laden shit - what harm is it really going to be to my overall health if I indulge in sushi from time to time? Is it a gateway drug to burgers and steak? They tried to tell me that about weed back in the 90s and I never graduated to heroin or cocaine.

So, I'm thinking 90% vegan and 10% pescatarian. It's my body and it's my choice, damn it. PETA can suck it and so can Alicia Silverstone.

Btw, if you're interested in learning more about this admittedly goofy woman named Jill Ovnick and her approach to vegan living, check out vegan-gal.com. It's a low rent site, but it's got a lot of high quality info.